"It's the only place you know / But that don't make it home," nonbinary singer/songwriter August Ponthier sings with a golden hour drawl in the title track from their debut album Everywhere Isn't Texas, out now.
Ponthier grew up in Allen, Texas, just outside Dallas, and left the state almost a decade ago. Since then, they've released three EPs, came out as nonbinary, changed their name to August, and is now getting ready for the release party for their debut album, Texas Isn't Everywhere.
With an album named after their home state, Ponthier decided that the release party needed to be back in Texas. In addition to their roots, they also spent time performing in the Lone Star State and leading a songwriting workshop at the University of North Texas, where they went to college.
"When I left in 2018, I had a really one-dimensional view of how I felt about my hometown and how it treated me, and now I think about it all the time," they say.
Returning to Denton and the University of North Texas, and seeing "trans flags everywhere, Pride flags everywhere, and to even be asked about my own queerness on stage by queer students" has been "surreal" for the 29-year-old artist.
"I've been flooded with so many memories, and I have cried many times in a good way because I'm happy that people feel more accepted in a lot of places, but also in a frustrated way because I can also see in some ways in which it wouldn't feel safe for other people, for me, for my partner," they say. "I've had a lot of really big complicated feelings, and that feels exactly on par with the album."
Texas will always be in Ponthier's blood, so when they return, they feel "a grief about what kind of life I could have" if the state were different.
"I've been in tears all week being back here because I feel grief over the fact that the state that I love, my friends and loved ones, and even myself, cannot get the healthcare or the support or the love that really is owed to us," they say.
Still, to find themself and come back as they are now, Ponthier needed to leave and find the right community.
Their song "Handsome" features a breakdown where Ponthier praises the "It Boy" qualities of male celebs like Timothée Chalamet, Jacob Elordi, and Oscar Isaac, and adds that there's a new It Boy, and they're a lesbian—referring to themself.
If they were to switch out those men's names for the names of trans and gender-nonconforming people, Ponthier mentions Yellowjackets star and fellow "nonbinary redhead" Liv Hewson and musician Joy Oladokun. But mostly, it's been people in their life who inspire Ponthier's masculinity.
"I would probably say my friends, because my friends are the people who have held my hand and made me feel really comfortable and made me feel like I can do literally anything," Ponthier says. "I used to think that having queer heroes who were famous was an important representation, but actually, my most important representation has been kind of just the people that live in my neighborhood and have taught me how to tie a tie or have helped me go to events."
Now, upon coming back to Texas and releasing this album, Ponthier says it feels like both an end and a beginning.
"Something I've said about myself for a really long time, which is funny in hindsight, is I always feel like two things at once. And I think the record is two things at once," they say. "I think it's a coming-of-age story where you can see all of the clues that lead to me understanding who I am and me being able to slap my actual, real, true name on the finished product."
"But also, I felt like every door was closed for me by the end of making this record. I felt really isolated and deeply sad about my future in a way that now I know was me experiencing gender dysphoria," they add. "And once I finally just said what I was and who I am out loud, I have never felt younger with more possibility, with more doors open in front of me. And even though fundamentally nothing has really changed, the mentality of feeling like I have my whole life in front of me does mark the beginning of something."
In the five years since they wrote "Everywhere Isn't Texas," Ponthier says their "feelings have really evolved and changed" about the state they once felt they had to leave.
To address those feelings, they wrote a reprise to the title track, which serves as the album's closer. "Until the day I'm breathless / I'll want the best for Texas," they sing. "This is my confession / All those outcasts are the Texans."
"I thought it was really important to do the reprise of 'Everywhere Isn't Texas,' that isn't just about leaving, which isn't something that fixes every problem. The reprise is about the people that stay and how they're heroes and make it easier because leaving is a choice that only some of us have."
August Ponthier's debut album, Everywhere Isn't Texas, is out now!
