There are so many types of lesbians these days that it can be hard to keep track of what all of the labels mean. There are everything from butches and studs, high femmes and pillow princesses, to Hey Mamas and lipstick lesbians.
The lesbian experience is expansive and diverse, which is why there are so many ways to identify yourself to the rest of the community. But whether you love a label or chafe against them, it can be helpful to know what they all mean.
One of the other terms you’ve probably heard tossed around is “chapstick lesbian,” but what does it mean, and where did the term come from? So find out all of deets, we talked to Sofie Roos, a bisexual licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at relationship magazine Passionerad, who was able to break it all down for us.
What is a chapstick lesbian, and where did the term originate?
Person holding chapstick.
Red herring/Shutterstock
A chapstick lesbian is someone who lands somewhere in the gray area between masculine and feminine. The clever term describes a sapphic who presents in both masculine and feminine ways so that they don’t fit neatly into the butch/femme dichotomy.
The lesbian term “comes from the stereotype of sapphics who just uses chapstick, which doesn't give them that classic feminine look, but still aren’t only masculine in their presentation,” Roos tells PRIDE. It probably orginiated in the '90s and was popularized by Ellen DeGeneres on her sitcom Ellen when she told fictional parents that she “would be a chapstick lesbian.”
So if a lipstick lesbian is high femme, then a chapstick lesbian is more low maintenance and straddles the line between femme and butch. Roos says there is also a lot of overlap with the terms “soft butch,” “futch,” or even “stem” and “stud-fem” if you are a Black chapstick lesbian.
How does it present?
Since chapstick lesbians are a mix of masculine and feminine, it might mean that she like to wear makeup sometimes, but won’t go out in high heels and a mini skirt and their vibe tends to be more relaxed that a femme, though this will vary between sapphics.
“A typical chapstick lesbian can wear big baggy jeans, a tight top, no makeup, messy hair and black boots one day, and the other wear a cute little dress with light makeup,” Roos explains. “Their look can be a bit androgynous, often in the landscape where you can’t tell if the clothes are bought at the men's or women's section, or that they mix between feminine and masculine clothing in one outfit — or simply just rocks what the heck they want and doesn't care if it's for men or women, and mix as they please!”
How is it different than a 'Hey Mamas lesbian?’
Hey Mamas lesbians and chapstick lesbians are similar but not interchangeable terms. Hey Mamas is someone who like chapstick lesbian doesn’t fit completely into the butch stereotype, but they also tend to wear more traditionally masculine clothing and backwards baseball hats and a major feature their knack for picking up women by saying, “Hey mama.”
“A chapstick lesbian is often more low-key and casual in their vibe, while a 'hey mama’s lesbian’ tends to be more outgoing and flirty in their approach,” Roos says. “So even though they can dress similarly, the big difference is in their overall vibe!”
How is it different from other masc of center lesbians?
Two lesbians embracing.
oneinchpunhc/Shutterstock
According to Roos, chapstick lesbians tend to mix masculinity and femininity “in a way that feels a bit more soft and girlish” as opposed to being overtly masculine.
“So while many masc of center lesbians are more rebellious and stand out in their masculine expression, a chapstick lesbian comes off as more casual and melts in more with their style, being in the middle land,” she says.
Who can be a chapstick lesbian? How does gender interact with this identity?
“This is a sapphic term, meaning that ALL queer women can describe themselves as chapstick lesbians if they feel it describes their vibe and style — because being a chapstick lesbian is not only about clothing, even though many think so — it’s also about the attitude that’s both girlish and boyish at the same time,” Roos explains.
But in the end, gender expression is expansive and complicated, so just because the word “lesbian” is part of the “chapstick lesbian” label doesn’t mean that it can’t apply to whoever feels it fits them, regardless of gender identity.
Years before Stonewall, a cafeteria riot became a breakthrough for trans rights
All about the Compton's Cafeteria riot, when drag queens and trans women rose up against police at a diner in San Francisco.