Not a drill, nor a stunt! Content creator, photographer, and dancer Nick Lemmer has officially launched a new drag persona a year and a half after winning the RuPaul's Drag Race season 16 makeover challenge alongside Plane Jane. In an exclusive Out interview, the RuPaul's Drag Race Live! performer and The Loverboy Diaries creator explains why he's pursuing drag and breaks down the highs, lows, and latest events shown in his web series.
The season 1 finale of The Loverboy Diaries centers on Lemmer's highly anticipated return to drag and featured cameos from Drag Race alumni like Plane Jane, Gigi Goode, and Morphine Love Dion. This epic finale episode also showed Lemmer's new drag persona, Ashley, making her performance debut with a medley of Slut Pop songs by Kim Petras.
Nick Lemmer as Ashley in her debut drag performance at Gipsy Nightclub in Las Vegas, as seen on The Loverboy Diaries season 1 finale.YouTube (@loverboydiaries)
Out: This series, The Loverboy Diaries, is named after the idea of "romanticizing life as if it were a movie." But what is your definition of a "loverboy"?
Nick Lemmer: I love to romanticize my life as much as possible. I'm a sucker for nostalgia, and feel like I get more emotional and sensitive with each year that goes by. But I want to clarify that it's not so much that I try to live my life like a movie — in a way that isn't based in reality — but more so the fact that I've always connected to the way life is portrayed in the romances, and coming-of-age stories alike, as they feel closer to my actual reality: Full of heart, emotion, rich color, soul… You get the gist.
And I'd like to think that the people who write these movies would agree with me: They're written deep from within their own reality. Some may view them as fantasies. But some, like me, feel seen. For me, a "loverboy" has no gender; it is simply anyone who sees the world like this. Call them artists, old souls, romantics, or loverboys, those words are all describing the same thing to me.
One of my favorite things about The Loverboy Diaries is how each episode seems to exist in a different genre. The first episode, structurally, is like an indie. Some episodes feel like rom-coms, others feel like thrillers. In that sense, there's a WandaVision quality to it, as the series goes in and out of genres in a playful way. What did you have in mind when establishing this genre-breaking arc?
I am inspired by many different genres of film, art forms, and even different mediums… And I want to explore them all. I also easily get bored (creatively speaking) in the sense that I struggle to stick to one style of YouTube episode, one style of filmmaking/storytelling, one style of photography, performing, etc.
I've found that constantly switching things up is what keeps me creatively and artistically fulfilled. I struggled with this for many years thinking I had to eventually choose one art form, and one style to focus on, in order to be a "successful" artist, or even have a successful YouTube series… And I finally realized that's all B.S. I refuse to niche down my art, and I don't have to.
I struggle to not ramble when I get to talk about my art and creative process, but yes, I will continue to explore different styles of episodes in future seasons of Loverboy Diaries, as well as have other planned projects coming in the future. The Loverboy Diaries is one piece of a much larger creative vision I'm working on, so stay tuned!
Nick Lemmer via Instagram.Instagram (@nicklemmer)
You turned 28 in the first episode and go on a trip with friends to New York City. It ends with you having "the most intense mental breakdown I've ever had in my entire adult life." We learn, in subsequent episodes, why that happened. How are you doing right now as far as your recovery process from that memory/experience?
I appreciate you asking. I'm doing okay. Episode 6 did kind of force me to work through the trauma more, or at least think about it constantly while I was producing the episode for over a month, so I'd say I'm a little better but still have nightmares about getting shot whenever I'm extra stressed out as well as just maintain a constant baseline low level of anxiety each day.
I'd say I'm better than just surviving but definitely not thriving in respect to the trauma. I also haven't done the work to seek out therapy and would like to explore that in the future so that's on me. As much as I love the tortured artist trope (see episode 6), I would love to be in a much better place mentally.
Episode 2 goes from you thinking that your life is over as a dancer to then showing your return to the Las Vegas residency show and your speech for winning a WOWIE. What was your experience watching back that episode? Do you feel like you've learned something from it?
Such an interesting question! I've had multiple injuries at this point that have taken me out for long periods. As much as I've learned from experience that yes, I will overcome the injuries… to be honest, every time I still really go through it. Performing, exercising, and movement in general is really important to me. When my body holds me back, I start to feel trapped and get incredibly frustrated.
I currently don't have the best relationship with my body as I haven't had a pain-free day since probably 2019, and I recognize that is a lot of people's reality as well. Overall, I'm grateful every day that I'm able to get up and even walk which in itself is a privilege, however I wish I had a more positive answer for you.
I'll end with this, as corny as it may sound: While I was editing episode 2, the first time I watched the whole thing through, I cried in a very cathartic way. Reliving almost an entire year in the span of 20 minutes was a lot but I finished episode 2 feeling proud of myself for overcoming another major injury.
Episode 3 shows you going through an intense breakup, which led you to leave Los Angeles and move to Las Vegas. Why do you think it's such a recurring topic for queer people to have a hard time with breakups?
I think it's difficult and intense for us to move on from relationships because at the end of the day we're all human. Yes, some breakups are easier than others, whether it's with a partner, friend, or a family member etc. But let's be honest, it would be crazy if we felt nothing.
I try to look at it this way: No matter what emotions I feel during a breakup and as frustrating as they may be sometimes, I remind myself how grateful I am to have the capacity to feel the full spectrum of human emotions. They are all necessary and beautiful. I'll preface this next point by saying I am coming from a place of never having been in a toxic or abusive relationship, but I think a lot of people view "baggage" as a bad thing. I view it as all the past experiences in my life that have gotten me to this point. They have helped shape me and helped me grow as a person for any future relationships that come into my life.
With regards to it all feeling more intense in our queer community, maybe it stems from how beautifully complex queer people are as well as a lot of us have very complex childhoods. All I know is that I too feel like everything is more intense for me, the good and the bad, and I've come to a place where I am grateful for how deeply I can feel.
Episode 3 introduces us to your actual first drag persona, Ashley. It's interesting to see that you already had that "itch" for doing drag even before doing that Drag Race makeover challenge. Where did this desire come from?
Ashley was originally born the first Halloween after moving to Vegas. She quickly discovered that a short skirt and a blonde wig unleashed something in her — or, well, me. I mean, working at RuPaul's Drag Race Live!, I am surrounded by drag queens all day every day… Can you blame me for wanting to put on a wig and feel it? Haha.
But in all honesty, I've always lived for the feeling of commanding a stage and an audience, it's my favorite part about performing. And as much as I love performing behind these incredible stars in Drag Race Live, I would love to know what it feels like to be the star on stage, the one that everyone comes to see perform, sue me.
I've also always felt this connection to the more feminine style of dancing, it feels fiercer in simplest of terms and after the makeover episode I discovered I love the feeling of dancing in heels. There's such a power and energy to it. Of course I could go on but those are some of the reasons I felt compelled to do drag.
Nick Lemmer via Instagram.Instagram (@nicklemmer)
I love your story of meeting Shawn throughout a few episodes of The Loverboy Diaries. Did you learn anything about yourself as a partner from watching that relationship play out on the show?
To start I just want to say that Shawn is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, inside and out. So much of this first season of The Loverboy Diaries would not have been possible without his constant support of my art and dreams.
Without giving too much away to anyone who hasn't watched the series yet, no parts of the development of Shawn and I's relationship throughout the series were scripted or planned. The stark differences from episode 1 to episode 6 with regards to us was very much the reality of our relationship changing in real life. It kept developing, changing, it was messy and complex. I wanted to intertwine it into season 1 not for views but for the fact that it felt like a true queer relationship, not black and white, confusing at times, and a relationship I hadn't seen portrayed much online.
I guess I would say I've learned that you don't need to have it all figured out right away as long as you are honest and communicating and that's what we did. I struggle with conflict of any kind and so I've discovered that what I need in a partner is someone who makes me feel like I can be completely open with them about the good and the bad without any fear of judgement or defensiveness and plot twist, those people do exist!
Episode 6 feels like a whimsical catch-up between you and the audience. In the episode, you update fans on things that weren't entirely clear before, and then it ends with a teaser that you're coming back to drag. Was this always a chapter that you knew you would get to when you started making The Loverboy Diaries?
I actually filmed episode 1 and 2 before I really knew what they would end up becoming. I knew I wanted to start a YouTube channel, but The Loverboy Diaries came to be what it is now from organically just letting the story of my actual life guide the episodes of season 1.
I eventually realized I wanted season 1 to sort of be this grand introduction season diving into why I live my life the way I do so that the viewers have a better understanding of me before I dive into other avenues in future seasons. I always knew I wanted to bring Lazi Suzan back at some point, but I wasn't sure how or when or even why. As my pursuit of drag sort of starts a new major chapter in my life, it felt like a perfect way to end season 1.
I think everything that happened in season 1 needed to happen in order to get me to this point. One might say, "Everything happens for a reason." Sorry, I can't lie, I do kind of live by that motto.
Tell me about your experience in the makeover episode of RuPaul's Drag Race season 16. What was it like meeting Plane Jane as your makeover partner, bonding with her, and then getting this incredible transformation in drag? And are you and Plane still close to each other?
Firstly, I couldn't have asked for a better response from everyone for our makeover episode and I think what made it special for me was getting to do it with a bunch of my RuPaul's Drag Race LIVE! family. Secondly, I can't thank Plane enough for all that she has done for me. She let me have my moment during the makeover challenge, even flew to Vegas a few months after we filmed the episode so we could do a photoshoot together, and has continued to support me throughout this new drag chapter of mine.
Plane Jane is incredibly smart in what she has done with her career, has clearly paved her own way as a standout queen that isn't going away any time soon and I feel like she's just getting started. I can't wait to see what she does next.
What was your experience with the Drag Race fandom once the episode aired? I could see your comments section getting flooded with wild fans and thirsty messages.
It was definitely interesting to say the least. [Laughs.] I found out very quickly that I can't post pics of my feet online, and that people have a lot of opinions about my body hair… Particularly when I shave mine. I used to get emails from people asking to buy my underwear and shoes, but that has since died down.
But I feel very lucky that the response has been very positive and everyone online has been super supportive for the most part! I guess the only real struggle I've found is that my weird artsy posts on instagram get way less likes than a shirtless picture and sometimes that can get to me, a little bit, if I'm honest.
I really like Caroline Kingsbury, and I was surprised to see that connection between you and the singer on The Loverboy Diaries. Were you two able to meet? Why does this kind of music resonate with you so much?
We have not officially met yet, but are internet friends, and we'll for sure meet at some point in the future. She reached out to me after seeing episode 4 that features her concert, and she loved the episode.
Caroline Kingsbury just has a feeling to her music that I really resonate with. I love the sound of 80s synth music — my YouTube series is very inspired by 80s coming-of-age movies — and I love lesbians, and she encompasses all of that in her music. Her music is like the 80s coming-of-age soundtrack of my dreams… But gay, so even better.
The song of hers that I feature in episode 4, "Fall in Love," really resonated with me because it felt like the lyrics were written word for word by what I was going through. I had fallen in love… but never really wanted to. I would love to work with her creatively some day on some sort of project. And I must say, if you have a chance to see Caroline Kingsbury live, you must! She's currently on tour, so get those tickets, and you won't regret it.
Nick Lemmer on The Loverboy Diaries season 1 finale.YouTube (@loverboydiaries)
Can you explain why you dropped the Lazi Susan name?
Lazi Susan will always have a special place in my heart; she pretty much changed my life. But the main reason I decided to change my name is because there is already a literal Drag Race winner with the same name, and she has worked incredibly hard to build her brand under that name, and I want it to be fully hers.
Lazy Susan, winner of Drag Race Down Under season 4, and I have no beef. We are internet friends, and she's actually involved in the season finale episode. I know RuPaul loved the name Lazi Suzan, as well as the fans, and maybe there will be people who disagree with the name change… But I think people will adjust after seeing what Ashley brings to the table. Lazi Suzan is Ashley, and Ashley is Lazi Suzan. The monster you saw on stage during the makeover challenge is still the monster you will see performing on stage under the name Ashley.
Now that Lazi Susan is officially dead, tells us: Who is Ashley?
Ashley encompasses everything about my performance alter ego. There is something that shifts in me as soon as I get on stage, whether as Nick in Drag Race Live, or as Ashley. I want to fight for your attention, I want all eyes on me, and I will fight for that. Oh, and the stank face will always be there.
Nick Lemmer as Ashley in her debut drag performance at Gipsy Nightclub in Las Vegas, as seen on The Loverboy Diaries season 1 finale.YouTube (@loverboydiaries)
This drag comeback isn't just one performance as a stunt. You're determined to take drag seriously and build a career as a drag artist. What is it about drag that makes you want to go in this direction?
As I've been fully engulfed in the drag world for the last six years, I've been able to see front row how much creativity and artistry goes into it, and that's what intrigues me the most. I want drag to be an outlet where I can combine all my creative interests into one persona. I can't wait to explore my makeup more, figure out Ashley's fashion style, and just overall her drag point of view.
I've performed behind the stars my entire professional dance career, and now I want to be the star. I also can't dance professionally forever; my body simply wouldn't survive. I recognize that, and I have accepted it. So I'm hoping drag can also be my outlet to be able to continue to perform. There truly is nothing like performing on stage for an audience.
We've been in touch about this for quite a long time now, and I know you've been taking the time to learn and prepare for this new drag career. Can you tell the fans what you've been doing leading up to Ashley's debut?
I've been working behind the scenes for the last few months in preparation for this debut performance. I knew I didn't want to just get put into drag again by Plane and perform. I wanted to learn the entire process and see what it actually takes to be a drag queen.
I have so much respect for drag queens. They have to be makeup artists, fashion designers, social media managers, stage performers, and more. I've been learning drag makeup, how to sew, how to properly put on a wig, all of it. It's been very challenging because I hate not being good at things, and I wasn't naturally good at any of it at first… People will see if they watch the finale. [Laughs.]
I still have a lot to learn and a lot of skills to work on. I got really stuck on this expectation I put on myself to be this perfectly polished drag queen for my debut so as to not disappoint people who have been waiting for my return to drag. I had to quickly get over that because it was paralyzing me. I am very proud of how much I've learned so far, but trust me, I'm just scratching the surface. Ashley will continue to evolve, and change, and have better makeup skills.
What are your goals for Ashley as a drag artist?
I have such a passion for performing and for creating art. I'm hoping Ashley can allow me to encompass both of these passions into one monster of an alter ego. Just like Nick, Ashley has big goals and big dreams… Let's just say that.
The Loverboy Diaries episode 7 (the season 1 finale) is now streaming on YouTube.
