This Man Almost Gave a $175,000 Blow Job to Save Fyre Festival

This Man Almost Gave a $175,000 Blow Job to Save Fyre Festival

This weekend gave us a lot. Aquaria telling an online troll to "calm down Perez Hilton," Cardi B telling Tomi Lahren "leave me alone I will dog walk you," but inarguably one of the greatest things to come out of meme culture since Friday is this monologue courtesy of the new Netflix doc FYRE: The Greatest Party That Never Happened.

The documentary, which premiered Friday on Netflix (four days after Hulu dropped a rival documentary, Fyre Fraud) created an unknowing star out of Andy King, an event producer who worked on the festival and served as a talking head throughout the film, but it’s halfway in that Andy proves himself the real star. When Rihanna sang “This is what you came for,” she was referring to Andy’s monologue in this film. When Kelly Clarkson sang “A moment like this,” it was an homage to this moment.

Andy, co-founder/principal at Inward Point, an event design company, explains in a tone that never deviates from matter-of-fact until the very end, that customs was holding four eighteen-wheeler trucks filled with Evian water at the Exuma International Airport. They were asking for $175,000 to release the water to the festival-goers, who were stranded on the island without much food or resources. (Mind you, this was before the festival was canceled in its entirety but after festival-goers had arrived.)

“[Founder and CEO of Fyre Media] Billy [McFarland] called and said 'Andy we need you to take one big thing for the team.' And I said 'Oh my gosh, I've been taking something for the team every day.' And he said 'well, you're our wonderful gay leader and we need you to go down... will you... suck... dick... to fix this water problem?'”

He continued: “And I said, 'Billy, what?' And he said, 'Andy, if you will go down and suck Cunningham's dick — who's the head of customs — and get him to clear all all of the containers with water, you will save this festival. And I literally drove home, took a shower, I... I... I... I drank some mouthwash. I'm like, 'Oh my gosh... I'm really' — and I got into my car to drive across the island to take one for the team and I got to his office fully prepared to suck his dick."

Spoiler alert: he didn’t suck the dick.

“But he couldn’t have been nicer,” King says, referring to the customs manager. “And he’s like ‘Andy, listen, I will release all the water, I will let you serve it, but I want to be one of the first people to be paid this import fee for what you’re doing.’ And I said, ‘Okay, great,’ and I got back, and I had all the water that we needed. Can you imagine? In my thirty year career that this is what I was going to do? I was going to do that, honestly, to save the festival.”

It’s not until nearly the end of that historic recollection of events that King lets out laugh, signaling a sense of humor about a situation, that could have resulted in one of the most expensive blow jobs ever performed.

The documentary itself is a worth-it watch, albeit melancholic in its flagrant displays of buffoonery, but this monologue is one of the greatest contributions to queer culture in recent memory.

Out has reached out to Andy King in the hope that he might, even ten years from now, further comment. The people need to hear from you, Andy.

Tags: Popnography

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