Search form

Scroll To Top
News

Queer women weigh in on the discourse about creepy straight dudes going to lesbian bars

Queer women weigh in on the discourse about creepy straight dudes going to lesbian bars

Two women at a lesbian bar
Paul Vasarhelyi/Shutterstock

"But I was just curious. Are straight males not allowed to go to a lesbian bar?" NO!

The discourse is discoursing again on TikTok, and this time, it all centers around the question of whether straight people belong in lesbian bars.

The TLDR: of course not. There is a long history of straight people (primarily cis het men) taking up space in lesbian bars and making queer people feel unsafe. This is especially maddening considering that after many have had to close their doors, there are only about 30 lesbian bars left in the entire country.

In case you're not caught up on the social media drama, this all started on January 21 when TikToker Lexi Stout made a video recounting her recent trip to the Cubbyhole Bar, a lesbian bar that has been a staple of the West Village since 1994, Them reported.

In the video, Stout explains that she went to the Cubbyhole Bar at the invitation of a lesbian friend and that although she frequents "gay male bars," this was her first time at a lesbian one. Then, her straight male friend joined, and a woman at the bar asked him what he was doing there, "basically saying that my friend didn't belong there."

@thelexistout

#nycbars #nycnightlife #westvillagenyc #skincare #lesbiansoftiktok #lesbiansnyc

She also seemed shocked that straight men wouldn't be welcome in a Sapphic space, despite "the amount of very obviously flamboyantly gay men that were in that bar that were not being approached and yelled at."

First off, it sounds like she may not understand that gay men would be perceived differently inside a queer space than straight men. Second, her word choice of "flamboyant gay men" feels suspect.

Stout continued, "She was not having it. She did not want him in that bar at all, and I get it. But, like, there's no rules against that… But I was just curious. Are straight males not allowed to go to a lesbian bar?"

Then the queer side of TikTok had a field day stitching her video. @fruitbbygirl responded with a video saying, "No, they are not. And straight women who prioritize a man's comfort over lesbian safety are also not welcome at the lesbian bar. I hope this helps!"

@fruitbbygrl

#stitch with @Lexi Stout

Another TikTok content creator succinctly lays out why straight people pushing their way into queer spaces is so infuriating. "I love the New York City lesbian bar drama," @folaisfine said. "A, because i love to see white people fight, but B, I just think it's funny how marginalized people who are excluded from certain spaces make their own spaces and then the people who excluded them from those original spaces are like, 'Why can't I be in this space?'"

@folaisfine

#lgbtq #nyc

@lilfeistyfemme starts her stitch by telling Stout that she needs to "check your entitlement and your privilege and your audacity "and then says, "Baby, you need to realize these places were not made for you. When you come to a gay space, you are a guest, and you need to behave accordingly."

@lilfeistyfemme

#stitch with @Lexi Stout Please listen to the whole thing! This is a learning moment - you’re a guest in our spaces and your entitlement and privilege need to be checked at the door. Our safe spaces are NECESSARY for us #wlw #lesbiansoftiktok #lesbiansoftiktokover30 #lesbianbar #lgbtq #bar #pride

Next in a surprising turn of events, the lesbian woman Stout interacted with at the bar made a response video of her own. She explained that when she saw the straight male friend, he seemed "a little bit grumpy" and that she asked him, "Okay, dude. Are you even here with anyone? What are you doing at this bar?"

Later, the man returned and asked, "Well, if I wasn't here with someone, would that be a problem?" At which point, a lot of Stout's friends ganged up on her.

"I want literally nothing to do with straight people, which is why I'm in Cubbyhole in the first place," she said, explaining that she's seen many cis straight men cause problems in lesbian bars.

@im.that.lesbian

#stitch with @Lexi Stout her queer friend also hit on me after this incident which was v ironic @lesbianbarproject

On February 1, Stout made a follow-up video about the fallout she experienced after posting her original video. "I have learned my lesson, and I will never be returning to a lesbian bar ever again, for good reason," Stout added. "It's plain and simple: It's not a space for me."

There ya go. Took you long enough.

The topic has been picking up steam on X (formerly Twitter), too, with people posting their own horror stories of running into straight men at lesbian bars.

"i was once in a gay bar and a pretty girl came up to me and asked if i was a lesbian and i was like yeah and she was like damn that’s a shame cos my friend over there likes you, and she pointed to a man," one woman wrote on X.

Another X user posted about their own experience dealing a woman and her boyfriend at a bar. "i was once in a gay bar and me and a pretty girl were really vibing and dancing together and started making out and then she pulled her boyfriend in out of nowhere and tried to get me to make out with him," the person wrote. "i was with friends and made us leave immediately cos i felt violated..."

The topic has continued to go viral on social media, spurred on by people sharing their personal stories and their utter confusion about why straight people are so pressed about going into lesbian and gay bars.

Take a look at more responses below!

Advocate Channel - HuluOut / Advocate Magazine - Jonathan Groff and Wayne Brady

From our Sponsors

Most Popular

Latest Stories

Ariel Messman-Rucker

Ariel Messman-Rucker is an Oakland-born journalist who now calls the Pacific Northwest her home. When she’s not writing about politics and queer pop culture, she can be found reading, hiking, or talking about horror movies with the Zombie Grrlz Horror Podcast Network.

Ariel Messman-Rucker is an Oakland-born journalist who now calls the Pacific Northwest her home. When she’s not writing about politics and queer pop culture, she can be found reading, hiking, or talking about horror movies with the Zombie Grrlz Horror Podcast Network.