The following Q&A is part of Out’s Dating PrEP Season 4, where prominent LGBTQ+ figures share dating tips and insights for finding self-love and romance. Watch the full series on Out.com/DatingPrEP.
These days, dating can feel like an endless audition. We curate, filter and perform — all in the hope that someone will click on our carefully crafted dating app profile. But what if love, and life, were more about showing up sweaty, awkward and unapologetically real?
Kevin McDonald — a Los Angeles-based personal trainer, influencer and self-described “philosophy bro” — is on a mission to remind us of exactly that.
McDonald has built a devoted following as @yourfriendkevin_ by sharing everything from unfiltered gym fails to messy, hilarious date confessions. Equal parts fitness coach and big-hearted friend, he believes connection starts with embracing the cringe and learning to laugh at ourselves — whether panicking over first-date outfits or screaming on roller coasters.
Beyond the workout selfies and dating mishaps, McDonald’s message is simple: focus less on perfection and more on community, curiosity and finding joy in the chaos. For him, confidence isn’t sculpted in the gym — it’s built one honest, vulnerable moment at a time.
We sat down with McDonald to talk about his most chaotic date stories and what it really means to show up as your authentic self — cringe and all.
OUT: What’s your most iconic or chaotic first date story?
Kevin McDonald: I went on a date with a now very prominent comedian and I ruined it at every single turn. He was sober, so naturally I cracked open a bottle of wine. I was living in this apartment that faced an alley. So I set up two chairs thinking it would be like, “We're outside! How fun!” Just sitting him in an alley, talking to me for an amount of time. I was boring. It was terrible. I was trying so hard to be cool to impress him that I think I wasn’t even focused on what he wanted. I was just zeroing in on what I needed to project and it makes complete sense they didn’t text me back.
How do you typically meet people today?
I love to scope out a friend group. I love to get a group together either at my place at a game night or at a bar, trivia, and then just meet people from there. I think a lot of people are afraid of just introducing themselves. It can just be slowly easing your way into an already established group of people. I love the safety of a herd to introduce myself and weave in and out of those interactions.
What advice do you have for people struggling with the fear of being “cringe” when communicating their relationship desires upfront?
When you’re dealing with fears of being judged in dating, I think your mindset’s already in the wrong spot. If you’re thinking about what you’re doing that could possibly be perceived as cringe, you’re thinking about yourself and not the person you’re with.Acting in that selfish way is holding you back. You gotta stare in that mirror. You gotta say I am cringe and I am free. You just gotta be yourself.
What’s the importance of authenticity from the start?
I find a lot of people struggling with where to find authenticity. Instead of focusing on the word authentic, I think you should focus on why you want to impress a person. What about you yourself currently is not good enough for them? And is that even a fair thought to be putting on yourself? It’s usually not. So I think in order to be authentic you have to step back and wonder why these people you’re trying to impress are looking for a different version of you.
How do you know if someone is interested online?
When it comes to judging people online, I think that of any superpower I have, this is where my anxiety flourishes because I am obsessed with finding out people who I think are phonies, which is entirely unhealthy. Please don’t do this.
However, if I think that someone online is portraying themselves in a way that I can’t justify, like they just held their camera like that and they posed in that way, why? Who are they trying to impress? Immediately a red flag goes off in my head and I will dismiss them as someone who’s probably not going to be completely honest with themselves or with me.
My incredibly judgmental and rude mindset has aided me in being able to weed out and not waste time with genuine connections online.
What challenges do you see in queer relationships when it comes to seeking validation or appearing “perfect” to others?
I think a lot of pitfalls that queer relationships can fall into is the aspiration to validity, to be perceived as like a normal, cool relationship. That can lead people to push things in a way that might be inorganic. If your goal is to find someone you love, that seems like a very difficult project. While instead, if your goal is to just find someone to be affectionate with, that seems a lot more obtainable.
What advice would you offer to queer folks who feel like love might be harder to find for them?
If you’re looking for love, you’re looking for the wrong subject. You should be looking for support, affection, and people that like you. If you surround yourself with independent, strong, unique people, you’re just naturally going to be surrounding yourself with compassion and with love, and a relationship might fall into place there.
How has the queer community helped shape your fitness journey?
My fitness journey has been shaped a lot by queerness and the community. I am inspired the most when I have people around me, whether that means group fitness, a class with friends, or going to the park and doing somersaults. The concept of community has changed the way that I view fitness. Fitness does not have to be lifting weights by yourself in the dark. It’s so much more than that.
How did you build your confidence over time?
Building my confidence was definitely not a quick journey. I was a really late bloomer when it came to coming out. I had spent a lot of time lying to myself, saying once this one thing is fixed, then it'll be fine. That’s never really how it works. Once I started to tone and see myself in the mirror as an image that I liked a lot more, it was much easier to step back and see what else I could improve. It all started with physically getting up and doing something for myself. The steps that you need to take in order to better yourself are necessary to build that confidence, self-esteem, and project that to others.
What advice do you have for staying safe and protecting yourself physically and sexually while dating?
Protection goes both ways. You have to stay healthy, eat a vegetable every once in a while, and also trust the partners you're with. Take the proper medicine, make sure that if you're sexually active, you're doing it safely. You have to know that you're worth it, know that people around care and want the best for you, and you should also have that same respect for the people around you.
What other challenges do you see within the queer community that impact dating?
This may sound harsh, but I think a huge issue in the queer community is that a lot of people are selfish and think they know everything. We achieve nothing alone. Often, we forget the intricate systems of support that have led us here. When you focus only on yourself, you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage, whether that's with dating, spending time in the gym, or trying to fix a toilet.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.
