Carson Tueller on the Desexualization of Disabled People

The following interview is part of Out's Dating PrEP series, in which notable experts from various fields offer advice on how to prepare for date. Watch the full series on Out.com.

The public speaker, coach, and disability advocate, Carson Tueller, is paraplegic and used to getting attention from guys at the gym while he’s working out. The only problem is that it’s usually the type of attention that doesn’t incline him to ask any of them on a date.

“Able-bodied people love to see a disabled person working out. I usually just tell people it’s the easiest part of my day. But there’s this phenomenon that we like to call ‘inspiration porn,’ Carson explains.

“For a lot of able-bodied people, it feels like a compliment. But the problem is believing that disability itself is a struggle.”

There's a major stigma that surrounds disabled people and their ability to date, with a lot of people believing that disability and not dating go hand-in-hand.

One thing he wants his dates to know is to ignore the stigma of disabled people being desexualized. “This is something that disabled people face across the board, regardless of sexuality. They’re seen as individuals that don’t want sex or can’t have sex, or can’t have good sex,” Carson shares.

He continues on by saying, “One of the greatest blessings of disability has been learning that our bodies can experience pleasure in the most dynamic of ways that most people wouldn’t think about. And I think that everyone can benefit from a new idea about sex.”

It took some time and self-reflection for Carson to get to that point in his way of thinking. Dealing with internalized ableism made him wonder if anyone would ever want to be his partner. But he knows that getting over that mindset has been a great benefit not only for himself but for others.

“I want to see more disabled people rocking their sex lives and their relationships, it’s so important. That’s why I talk so openly about my own experiences,” Carson explains.

And from taking PrEP to always making sure he smells good, Carson is making sure that he and you are perfectly ready for going on your next date.