The following Q&A is part of Out’s Dating PrEP Season 4, where prominent LGBTQ+ figures share dating tips and insights for finding self-love and romance. Watch the full series on Out.com/DatingPrEP.
It’s not every day that a makeup brush becomes a microphone for activism, but for Matt Bernstein, the personal is always political — and the eyeliner is always sharp.
The Out100 honoree, content creator, activist has transformed vibrant beauty art and biting commentary into a platform that celebrates queer joy.
In this candid Q&A, Bernstein spills about dating in the digital age, the power of PrEP, and why he’ll never trade his bright nails for anyone’s approval. Because maybe, love is the ultimate form of self-expression, but for Bernstein, so are red nails.
OUT: How do you identify?
Matt Bernstein: Cis male. Just queer, generally speaking. Gay.
Real quick, describe your dating life using a movie.
I feel like generally the gay dating life is that scene in Bridesmaids, where Kristen Wiig is absolutely blasted and comes out into the first-class area of the plane and she’s like, “There’s a colonial woman on the wing,” while churning butter — that’s what it feels like to date!
How do you navigate keeping your dating life private with an online presence?
Personally, as my job really became my job (because for a long time I was just running my mouth on the internet for the love of posting, which I still do), I decided dating is something that I’m going to keep really private. We’re not posting about it, we’re not making content about it.
How can you tell someone’s interested online?
This is a tried-and-true method that came intuitively to me in 2015 when I first did it: liking someone’s content when you don’t know them.
My first fling with a guy was someone I went to high school with. We weren’t in the same grade and we didn’t know each other. I went on Facebook and I liked his ALS Ice Bucket Challenge video. Then he messaged me like, “Do I know you?” And I was like, “I don’t think so.”
Just go out on a limb, like the photo where you think they look good, see what happens. Maybe nothing happens, but maybe something does.
How do you typically meet people you date now?
Through friends. So many people have app exhaustion — you’ve matched with the same person on all the apps, had similar conversations, and it just gets tiring. I found so much app fatigue that I needed to get back to basics. Go to a bar, talk to people. That’s been more successful and more fulfilling for me.
Worst date story?
My most unfortunate dating experience wasn’t even a date — it was a series of communications on Grindr. I was 19, in college in New York, talking to a guy who lived near my dorm. I was walking to his place when he messaged, “What’s with the nails?”
I said, “They’re red.”
He replied, “I like boys who know they’re boys, not boys who think they’re girls.”
Telling that story now, I wish I had ridden off into the sunset with my confidence, but at the time, it was formative. It taught me I could feel good about myself, but I’d have to hide it to be liked. It was such an awful experience at such a formative age. I hope he’s doing well now.
How do you feel confident before a date?
I’m a femme-presenting gay man. The makeup can come off, but the nails don’t. Nail art is the artistic love of my life. It runs deeper than acrylic or enamel; it’s a fundamental part of how I express myself. Many queer people have their own version of that.
It’s easy to feel like you have to perform masculinity to be desired. I’ve never been able to do that, and when I was younger, it made me feel shame. Even if you try to be someone else and it “works,” you’re still left with an untrue version of yourself.
I learned that anyone I’m talking to, dating or even having a one-night stand with, has to be into me for me — not despite me.
What advice would you give to someone afraid of rejection?
Rejection happens to everybody. The person you think is out of your league gets rejected. It never feels good, but it’s part of it. Having friends to laugh about it with — a date gone wrong, a one-night stand gone awry — is a great way to cope. You’re not the first to be rejected, and you won’t be the last.
What would you say to queer folks who feel love is harder to find today?
I think it feels true for everyone. Even my parents say that if they had to date today, they’d be screwed. Dating is complicated. I’m not a relationship expert; I’m figuring it out too. It’s easy to think others have it all figured out, especially online — those TikTok couples fight too. They just know how to produce a good image. We’re all going through it together.
There is love out there, and connection can be found in the least likely places.
Why is it important for queer people to consider PrEP?
I think everybody should take PrEP if they feel it’s right.
I went on it when it was pretty new. I had to explain it to my pediatrician to get a prescription. I’d like to think awareness has come a long way, but I know that’s not the case everywhere. Queer sexual health isn’t widely taught; many of us learn it online. It’s frustrating we haven’t come further in educating people on their options and what safe sex looks like.
PrEP drastically reduces your chances of contracting HIV through sex. It’s a miracle drug — if it were widely marketed for straight people, it would be more broadly regarded as the miracle it is.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.
