29 tips for being a better kisser, from sexologists, sex experts & adult stars

Consent is always sexy

“The number one thing you can do to be a better kisser is to get consent! You might think that asking ‘ruins the mood,’ but if that’s the case the mood was already ruined.

“Asking, ‘May I kiss you?’ in a sexy voice is a flirtatious turn on when it’s welcome.” — Stella Harris

“Big bold moves like abruptly shoving your tongue in someone's mouth, slamming your face into theirs, or biting down hard on their lip, can be a real turn-off if your partner doesn’t enjoy lots of spit or pain. It’s always best to ask first.” — Tara Jones

“Unless it’s discussed as something they enjoy, never ever suck on someone’s tongue! I’ve had guys try to slurp mine down their throat and it’s incredibly painful.” — Guy Spencer, adult performer

Master Tongue Technique

“The tongue is a powerful tool… use it wisely. When you start to make out, gently test the waters with it. Slide it into the other person’s mouth just enough to make contact with their tongue. After a little while, you can ramp up the tongue action, but always be mindful of how much they use their tongue, and try to match that”. — Guy Spencer

“Don’t overdue the tongue. Tongue is sexy, but there is a line.” — Jkab Ethan Dale

“Play nicely with your partner’s tongue. It’s not a competition to see who can knock out the other.” — Guy Spencer

“The top things to avoid while kissing someone is having a hard stabby tongue… or doing your own thing in someone else’s mouth.” — Michael Boston

“So many people, especially beginners to kissing, are using way too much tongue while going for the wet kisses, where they stick it in their partners mouth, whisks around and almost suffocates them, something that for ten out of ten people is a turn off.” — Sofie Roos

“Do not lick the other person’s teeth. You don’t know what’s happening behind those pearly whites… you might find a snaggletooth, or a retainer wire. Also, it’s weird.” — Guy Spencer

Perfect that pucker

“Try to relax your lips and your tongue, it. that makes the kisses hotter​ ​and feel more natural and soft - perfect if you want to give slow, passionate and romantic kisses!” — Sofie Roos

“Moisturize! Make sure lips are soft and smooth.” — Jkab Ethan Dale

“I really enjoy lightly biting/gripping my partner’s bottom lip… but do it gently to start and see where it goes.” — Guy Spencer

“Don’t tense your lips or be too passive. Relax, and enjoy each other.” — Jkab Ethan Dale

Rhythm is a (tongue) dancer

“Be attentive as possible. It's human nature that our minds wander, but as much as you can be in the moment, it will keep you from being overly sloppy, increases your own enjoyment, helps you consider what you want to do next, and allows you to gauge whether the intensity of your kissing should slow down or speed up.” — Tara Jones

“There’s a time and place for intense, passionate kisses. But early on, try slowing down. Don’t use too much pressure, tongue, or saliva! Leave the other person wanting more. Start with soft, dry kisses. Wait for the other person to lean in, press their body against yours, and ask for more.

Slowing down also gives you a chance to learn the other person’s style. Are they opening their mouth? Using tongue? Using teeth? Like dancing, if you’re always in the lead, you might miss information from the other person’s body language.” —Stella Harris

“Try to match the rhythm of your lips to your partner’s. There is nothing more awkward than one person going faster with their mouth than the other. Try to keep their face dry. You don’t want to have someone have to wipe off their face like they were bobbing for apples.”— Guy Spencer

“Rhythm and staying present. Start slow, with soft, gentle kisses, working up to adding tongue feel the other person, then go at it!” — Jkab Ethan Dale

“I would say the top three things that would make someone a better kisser would be passion, to not overthink it, and that it takes two to tango. When you kiss, it’s like a dance. Find the rhythm.” — Max Lorde, adult performer

“Try to listen to what your partner is doing and let things flow.” — Michael Boston

“Don’t go too hard too fast. Work up to it!” — Jkab Ethan Dale

Hygiene is EVERYTHING

“No one wants to kiss dry lips, so make sure you keep them soft by using a lip balm when needed, especially during the winter!” — Sofie Roos

“Aim for clean teeth and fresh breath when you’re putting the moves on someone. But don’t go overboard. You don’t want your minty freshness so strong that their eyes water”. — Stella Harris

“Don't skip floss. Hygiene is generally of the utmost importance when it comes to being a good kisser, but flossing is the step folks are more likely to forget. If you’ve ever gone days without flossing and noticed a smell on your floss when you finally get around to it, you know that plaque between your teeth can be subtle but strong. Clearing it out not only makes you more pleasant to kiss but also boosts your confidence.” — Tara Jones

“Fresh breath. Make sure your breath is something I’d want to taste.” — Jkab Ethan Dale

Beyond the pucker

“Variety matters. If you’ve been focused on their bottom lip, move to the top; if you haven’t used your tongue yet, add it in; break things up by kissing their neck or nibbling their ears.” — Tara Jones

“A kiss not only happens between your lips - it should be a full body experience, where you involve all of the body! So hug your partner, touch them gently, for example on their neck and cheeks, hold them around the hips or caress their thighs or back.” — Sofie Roos

“Kiss their neck, and move up to their ear. Lick along the outside of their ear to make it slightly wet. Then slowly inhale air just above their skin and watch them go wild. (Works every time!)” — Guy Spencer

Please, don’t

“Avoid trying too hard. Remember you and the other person are meeting halfway, so it should be invigorating. Also, don’t be cocky! Just because you think you’re a great kisser doesn’t mean everyone does. Be humble! Lastly, don’t rush it. Art takes time to perfect!” — Max Lorde

“Avoid making the assumption that kissing means your partner is necessarily looking to do anything more. The only thing you can be sure of is what they’ve actually communicated. And honestly, it seems to me like these days we've lost the simple joy of a good makeout sesh.” — Tara Jones