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Don't Make the 'Clue' Reboot For Straight People

Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds Reportedly Want to Remake ‘Clue’

The 1985 version is a gay cult classic, and any remake must honor that legacy.

Newly anointed Emmy-winner Jason Bateman is wasting no time.

After snatching the directing award fromGame of Throneson Sunday for helming Netflix's Ozark, the Arrested Development alum is reportedly "in talks" to adapt a remake of the 1985 cult classic Clue, which was itself adapted from the board game of the same name by Hasbro. Ryan Reynolds has long been attached to the project, and according to Deadline, the Deadpool star will co-write the film with Bateman.

Should the deal be finalized, it would mark Bateman's third time in the director's chair as a feature filmmaker. He previously helmed the indie efforts Bad Words and The Family Fang, the latter of which Bateman starred in alongside Nicole Kidman.

Given that the project has long been in production -- along with Hasbro's notoriously troubled attempt to bring Monopoly to the big screen -- there are no reports on who might play Colonel Mustard or Professor Plum or whether the mysterious killer will still have the options of a monkey wrench and lead pipe. (If they want to make it especially 2019, just have the murderer off his victims with suffocating student loan debt.)

But as the project develops, we have one plea for Bateman and Reynolds: Keep Clue queer.

While the 1985 film isn't explicitly gay -- for the most part -- it has an explicit camp sensibility, blending farce and screwball comedy into the story of six ostensible strangers who want each other dead. Frank-N-Furter himself, Tim Curry, goes full Cary Grant in Arsenic and Old Lace as Wadsworth, while queer icon Madeline Kahn gave the drag queens around the world evergreen Halloween inspo as goth goddess Mrs. White. The GIFs, as they say, are legendary.

In truth, Clue has camp bonafides for days, which is why it's been such a favorite of gay audiences for three decades. It also features Victor/Victoria's Lesley Ann Warren as the seductive Miss Scarlett and Jane Wieldin of the Go-Go's in a brief cameo as a doomed singing telegram girl.

If that weren't enough for you, the actress who plays busty maid Yvette is literally named Colleen Camp. The power is undeniable!

As with many beloved treasures of earlier eras, however, there are some aspects of Clue that could be improved. Michael McKean -- so great as one-half of the Shih Tzu-loving gay couple in Best in Show -- plays Mr. Green, a closeted State Department worker who is being blackmailed over his sexual orientation. While that is a historically accurate description of the persecution many gay government employees experienced in the 1950s, the other characters often treat Mr. Green with derision and disgust.

In addition, it's revealed during Ending C that Mr. Green wasn't gay at all. He was merely an undercover FBI agent. "I'm going to go home and sleep with my wife," Mr. Green says after bringing the guilty to justice, a sign-off that hasn't held up so well since the film's release.

Overall, there's so much to love about Clue, and queer audiences deserve a remake that retains everything they stan about the original ("Flames on the side of my face!") and ditches the less-savory aspects. But whatever Bateman and Reynolds do with the material, just please -- for the love of Madeline Kahn -- don't make Clue straight. That's a twist ending no one wants.

RELATED | Remake Craze Continues With a New Film Version of Clue

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Nico Lang