According to Jennifer Lawrence's BFF, Brad Pitt is the best smell man in the world. "Brad Pitt smells amazing, like nothing I've ever smelled," Laura Simpson writes.
But before we get to that, lets explain what she's talking about.
In what has to be the greatest firsthand accounts of attending the Oscars, Simpson aka J-Law's BFF aka the most envied woman in the world writes what it's like not to be famous at the award show.
It turns out Simpson is more famous than she lets on. She is the poor girl (wearing black dress and eight pounsd of tulle) that Lawrence grabs onto while tumbling on the red carpet.
"We finally arrive at the red carpet and as we exit the car, my date eats shit and uses my freshly done Lauren Conrad up do to break her fall," writes Simpson. "The crowd goes wild."
Her journey eventually takes her into the Dolby Theater ("I am seated directly behind the camera's crane") and into the green room where she bumps into Channing Tatum, Glenn Close and gives Kerry Washington a Slim Jim.
Later in the evening, Simpson and her BFF make their way backstage where she meets Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
"Brad Pitt smells amazing, like nothing I've ever smelled. Eventually we ask what cologne he's wearing and he tells us, 'I don't wear cologne, it's just my musk I guess.' I have to choose not to believe him because it would just be unfair to mankind."
How does one even get close enough to smell Pitt?! And, like, how it even fair to men everywhere that Pitt's musk has this effect on women and (safely assuming here) other men?
"WTF dude you should bottle that smell and sell it... to me, exclusively," Simpson pines.
Excuse me, share that with all of us. K, thanks, bye!