It's not uncommon for conversations about frotting and/or frottage to include people who use both terms interchangeably. Even though they sound similar and are both sexual references… these terms are, indeed, different things.
Gay sex terms can be confusing, especially when they become mainstream and, in some cases, completely lose their original meaning. So, it's not surprising that some people understand frottage and frotting as being the same kind of non-penetrative sex act.
While these practices involve pleasure by rubbing rather than pleasure through penetration, the terms should not be used interchangeably.
What is frottage?
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Frottage (pronounced like mirage) comes from the French word for "to rub." This is the sexual act of rubbing your body — particularly your genitals — onto something or someone else with the objective of feeling pleasure.
Merriam-Webster defines it as frottage as "the act of obtaining sexual stimulation by rubbing against a person or object."
Frottage is an umbrella term that includes many of the varied and diverse ways queer people have sex, and because it’s all about rubbing and friction, anyone can participate regardless of what genitals they have. Frotting, tribbing, and even the hotly debated scissoring are all forms of frottage.
“Frottage is an erotic act in which you rub one another's bodies or private areas against each other for sexual pleasure,” says Anthony Canapi, an LGBTQ+ dating expert and the founder and CEO of Best Man Matchmaking.
What is frotting?
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Frotting is a specific act within frottage where two penises are rubbed together. Some gay men prefer this practice than having full-on intercourse, arguing that nothing can "give you the same experience as direct genital-on-genital sex," as explained by Man2Man Alliance founder Bill Weintraub in The Advocate back in 2005.
"Frotting is also an erotic act in which two men rub one another's private parts, specifically the penis, against one another," says Canapi. "Frot is essentially used more within gay men as it specifically means consensual penis-on-penis contact where frontage is broader."
Who came up with the term 'frot'?
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In the March 2006 issue of Out, writer Erik Piepenburg explored the phenomenon of frottage, which is the sexual act of rubbing your body on something, and why it's so important to gay history and culture.
As an act between two gay men, Piepenburg defined frottage as "an erotic act of rubbing the penis against another surface — sometimes, though not always, another penis."
In this story written for Out in 2006, Piepenburg interviewed Bill Weintraub and "a go-to guy for all things frottage," which is when the meanings of frotting and frottage were divorced from each other and explained as distinctive pleasurable acts.
"'Frot' is a word I coined," Weintraub said. "I don't use the word 'frottage' because it's an ersatz French word that can indicate any sort of erotic rubbing. Frot, by contrast, is always phallus-to-phallus sex."
"Frot is most often done in a front-to-front embrace, where guys can kiss while rubbing c*cks," he added. "The focus is keeping the erect penises in contact, because that's what sex is: genital-genital contact."
Why are frotting and frottage important parts of queer sex?
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Canapi says that while there is no evidence that the LGBTQ+ community loves frotting and frottage more than their heterosexual and heteroromantic counterparts, his experience as a queer dating expert has shown him that for gay men, frotting adds an extra layer of intimacy that some men crave.
“I find with men that frotting stimulation allows more intimacy as both men can experience the same/similar sensation simultaneously versus anal penetration (giving versus receiving),” he says. “When it comes to frotting, this also allows gay men to add more stimulation on top of frotting — this includes having intimate eye contact with your partner, kissing one another, embracing each other, therefore, not only being a sexual, erotic act, but now having it become more intimate and romantic. Same notion applies with frottage.”
It’s also an integral part of queer sex because it tends to be safer than penetrative sex acts while “still having stimulation and satisfaction with one you are engaging in frottage or frotting with,” Canapi says.
