Everyone has their own version of a secret handshake. Arnold and Gerald on Hey Arnold! had that cool thumb wagging thing. Troy and Abed on Community had that double chest slap thing, too. But this one is much more straightforward.
Texas Rangers players Joey Gallo and Nomar Mazara celebrated a home run against the Los Angeles Angels during a Sunday baseball game with a double crotch grab. They started first by doing some intricate hand motions and then going in for each other’s groins.
Had to rewind it to believe it: pic.twitter.com/HDIFvdwiab
— Shan Shariff (@1053SS) April 7, 2019
Camaraderie! Appreciation! Friendship!
Of course, if you were to ask artist Barbara Kruger what was going on here, she’d probably point to her 1981 work, “You Construct Intricate Rituals” which plainly says “You construct intricate rituals to touch the skin of other men,” which is literally about how there’s some kind of queer desire behind all of men’s sports, but hey, we didn’t ask her! So who knows what she would say, right? Maybe the high five, invented by gay baseball player Glenn Burke, is not gay enough.
— #WOMENSART (@womensart1) January 25, 2018
For now, let’s just say that this is a thing. That the evolution of straight friendship has brought us to the double crotch grab. Let’s just say baseball was invented for two men to just be dudes and celebrate with a nice consensual, tactile penis rub.