Big penis sex tips 101: Topping advice from experts

What is a macropenis or oversized male genitalia?

The average size of an erect penis is 4.5 to 6.5 inches, whereas a macropenis or “oversized male genitalia” (OMG) typically refers to a penis that is more than 7.5 or 8 inches long.

“Macropenis generally refers to a penis significantly larger than average, though people often use the term more loosely in everyday conversation,” says Chris Bustamante, an aesthetic nurse practitioner and owner of the men’s clinic Lushful Aesthetics. “Clinically, this is not a diagnosis most men need to worry about. A larger-than-average penis is not inherently a medical or dating problem. It just means sex may require more communication, patience, and partner selection.”

Having a python in your pants isn’t a good or bad thing on its own; it just means that you may need to spend a little more time finding someone who is compatible with you, Bustamante tells Out. “Some partners enjoy larger anatomy, some do not, and some may need more time, preparation, or different positions for sex to feel good,” he says.

What should you do if you're a top and have a large penis?

First off, pick your partners wisely. If you try to sleep with someone who is brand new to anal sex, you’ll probably run into problems (no one wants anal fissures!). Instead, consider looking for a size queen with lots of experience.

Dr. Tom Murray, a licensed sex therapist and relationship expert, says that the rectum is only about 4 to 6 inches before you reach the natural boundaries of the rectosigmoid junction (the vaginal canal is also only 4 to 7 inches), so having a penis that is larger than that can cause problems if you bulldoze your way through sex and don’t take care of your partner.

“For some, certain levels of pain can be erotic, but for most, pain is an arousal killer,” he says. “More people with OMG see their partner wince, which can trigger intense sympathy, often leading to another level of deterrence toward intimacy.”

According to Bustamante, relaxation, warming your partner up, gradual entry, more attention to “depth and angle,” and a lot of lube are necessary if you’re a top with an above-average member.

“The biggest mistake is thinking that being large means you have to perform aggressively or prove something,” he says. “In reality, a well-endowed top usually has to be more controlled. Good sex is not about using every inch. It is about knowing how to read your partner’s body and adjust. For anal sex specifically, depth can be a bigger issue than girth for some partners. Positions that allow the bottom to control speed, depth, and angle can make sex more comfortable and more enjoyable for both people”

How can you participate in gay hookup culture if you have a large penis?

Many gay men love a top with a giant dick, but not all of them can actually handle the size, and while you may be “embraced and glorified,” your identity may also be reduced to one body part, Bustamante explains.

“Hookup culture can reward speed and fantasy, but good sex still requires consent and compatibility,” he says. “If someone is excited by your size, great. If someone is hesitant, that is not a rejection of you as a person. It just means you may not be sexually compatible in that way. The biggest adjustment is not necessarily changing who you sleep with, but changing how you approach sex. Slow down, use more lube, let the receiving partner control the pace when needed, and do not assume that size alone makes the encounter better.”

This is why Murray encourages people to be upfront about their size and learn to talk openly about it so everyone involved in the hookup has a great time. “Many OMG men are fetishized for their penis, which means that people want an experience but not necessarily want the person the penis is attached to,” he says. “Most apps these days already list the size of the penis. Some will shop on this criterion. It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.”

What is the best way to talk to your partner if they have a large penis?

If you’re bottom and your partner has a big penis, you should be able to talk openly about it, but for some, “this topic is a big deal...literally and figuratively. Consequently, the OMG partner should want to talk about it; it's common for many to have a complex about it,” Murray says.

Because of this, Bustamante says to be direct without shaming your partner: “You do not need to say, ‘You are too big.’ You can say, ‘I really want this to feel good for both of us, and I think I need to control the pace,’ or ‘Can we try a position where I can manage the depth?’ Most mature partners will appreciate the honesty. If someone reacts badly to a reasonable conversation about comfort, that is useful information. Size does not excuse poor communication.”

If you want to bring up adding toys into the equation so that your sex life is less reliant on penetration alone, Bustamante says you should “frame them as something that improves the experience, not something that fixes a problem.”

You can also take your sex life into your own hands. “A combination of a proper anal dilation protocol and regular HoleTox treatments can make a real difference when it comes to being able to bottom for tops that are larger,” he says.

Sex tips if you have a large penis

Two of the most important things to remember are that lube and prepping your partner are going to be your best friends if you want mind-blowing sex. “Specific to anal sex, I encourage preparation, using some degree of dilation, and copious amounts of lube,” Murray says. “No one should be sticking anyone's dick in their ass without preparation.”

According to Bustamante, this is why you can't skip foreplay and warming up your partner if you're a bigger top. "The receiving partner may need more time to relax physically and mentally," he says. "Fingers, smaller toys, rimming, massage, kissing, and gradual stimulation can all help. The goal is not just stretching. The goal is arousal, relaxation, and trust."

Bustamante recommends using a high-quality silicone lubricant because it lasts longer and gives you more glide. “Reapplying lube should be normal. Pain is much more disruptive than pausing to add more lubricant,” he says. He also warns that picking the wrong condom size can lead to breakage and potential STI exposure, so make sure you pick a size big enough to accommodate you.

You can also try not inserting your dick all the way or even using penis bumpers to help control the depth. “Just because a top has a large penis doesn't mean they need to insert every inch to be satisfied," Bustamante says. “Understanding this can help enhance their sexual experience and avoid the bottom ‘tapping out.’”

And don’t make the mistake of hinging your entire identity on the size of your penis. “A lot of men with larger penises get used to being treated like a fantasy or a category,” he says. “That can be flattering, but it can also be limiting. The best sex happens when someone brings more than size to the experience: confidence, attentiveness, patience, and actual sexual skill.”

6 best sex positions if you have a large penis

Having a huge Johnson may give you bragging rights, but practically, it can also make having penetrative sex more complicated. “I would love for us to move away from the assumption ‘sex’ is synonymous with penetration,” Murray says. “Sex can also include oral, manual, toys, etc. It can also include no genital-focused attention too.”

All of which is true, you can have a completely fulfilling and hot sex life without penetration. Justice for sides!

But if you have a big penis and still want to have anal sex, Bustamante says there are specific positions that will make it good for both of you and help you not hurt your partner.

1. Cowboy

“The top lies on his back while the bottom lowers himself onto the penis at his own pace. This works well because the receiving partner controls the speed, depth, and angle. That control can make the experience feel less intimidating and more pleasurable. Ideal position to start in.”

2. Spooning

“Both partners lie on their sides, with the top entering from behind. Spooning naturally limits force and depth. It allows for slower movement, more body contact, and easier communication. It is a good position when someone wants intimacy without overwhelming the receiving partner.”

3. Modified missionary

“The bottom lies on his back with his legs lower or only slightly raised, rather than folded tightly toward the chest. Traditional missionary can create deeper penetration depending on leg position. A modified version lets the partners stay face-to-face while reducing intensity. It also makes it easier to pause, adjust, kiss, and communicate.”

4. Prone position with shallow entry

“The bottom lies flat on his stomach while the top enters from behind, keeping movements slow and shallow. This position can feel intimate and secure, but the key is restraint. For a larger top, this works best when the focus is on shallow penetration, grinding, and controlled movement rather than deep thrusting.”

5. Standing Doggy/Supported Doggy

“The bottom bends over a bed, table, or counter with his hands or torso supported. Support helps the receiving partner relax, and the angle can be adjusted easily. The top should be careful not to use the position as an excuse for forceful thrusting. With larger anatomy, control matters more than intensity.”

6. Edge-of-bed Missionary

“The bottom lies on his back near the edge of the bed while the top stands or kneels between his legs. This position gives both partners room to adjust. The top can control his hips more carefully, and the bottom can reposition his legs to manage comfort and depth.”

Sources cited:

Chris Bustamante is an aesthetic nurse practitioner and owner of the men’s clinic Lushful Aesthetics.

Dr. Tom Murray is a licensed sex therapist and relationship expert.