DWTS' All Male Revue

Carrie Ann Inaba, the DWTS judge most likely to rock Bumpits, said it best last night: "That was surreal." She was specifically talking about the bizarre Tom DeLay cha-cha to Wild Thing, but really it started with the opening group number to "The Boys are Back in Town" and never really let up.

This group of so-called boys features: the lanky twins of Aaron Carter and Ashley Hamilton, though one would never mistake one for the other on the dance floor, as the rumors of Ashley's stiffness and awkwardness were not remotely exaggerated; the hobbity Louie Vito and Mark "The Chariman" Dacascos who both charm while goofing around; the muscle queens Chuck Liddell and Michael Irvin who may have had their spines and hips fused in place at some point in their athletic careers; and then there are the two mom favorites: Donny Osmond and Tom DeLay.

Donny's clean-living has served him well, he has no visible work done on his face and he is currently nipping at Aaron Carter's heels for the top point spot, but of course everyone is still reeling from the madness that is Mr. DeLay attempting to shake his ass. All I could think is "too soon!" America is a forgetful and forgiving country, and maybe if he had waited ten more years I would be able to soften my heart to his shenanigans as a right-wing-nemesis-turned-human-being, but as of now, this feels like a favor traded in by a publicist trying to promote the crooked ex-congressman's book.

Tell your mother to vote for Donny instead, his earnestness is pure in addition to being the superior dancer. And next time Tom is on the screen, play close attention to his dance partner Cheryl Burke: her body language, back-handed compliments, and damning of faint praise is the much better show. (Catch a sample of their press junket here.)

-- A. RAYMOND JOHNSON

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