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Cher: The Musical Is One Step Closer to a Reality, You Gays!

Cher: The Musical Is One Step Closer to a Reality, You Gays!

cher marc jacobs gag on it
Marc Jacobs

There's finally a script!

Remember when the heavens opened up and Cher alighted on Mt. Twitter with the gayest news in the history of gaykind: a musical based on her life? Well, the lucky writer gifted/cursed with the task of bringing that story to the stage has a first draft that he will lay at the Oscar-winning diva's marabou-slippered feet next month.

According to the New York Post, Rick Elice will first present the script to the show's producers, Hamilton's Jeffrey Seller and "old-time television producer" Flody Suarez.

"They may pack me in a van and have me carted away when they see what I've done with her life," Elice told the Post. "Or I'll start doing what Arthur Laurents always said about musicals, 'They don't get written. They get rewritten.'"

Three different actresses will play the icon, first as a child, then as the young pin-thin with pin-straight hair wife of Sonny Bono, and finally as the grown woman doing whatever she wants which includes snatching trophies from BFF Meryl Streep's claws. I'm assuming these actresses will get progressively younger as the play goes on.

Elice will then present the script to Cher on her 70th birthday, May 20: "I'll be sharing with Cher, if you will."

A cheap pun? You know I will.

Cher: The Musical, which is only a working title until someone comes up with something less amazing, will of course feature some of the legend's hits, but the real question is: will Bob Mackie and Cher reunite for the Broadway show? They've basically been practicing for this for over 40 years.


Lest all these tearaways be for naught.

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