If you're anything like me, the loss of Sense8 hit you hard. It was fascinating, visually striking, perhaps needlessly complicated, but more importantly -- hot asfuck.
The main cast is 50 shades of stunning, serving you United Colors of Benneton beauty, and there's no shortage of nudity. No shortage -- we're talking hanging dong here, folks. Hanging dong, pansexual orgies and more booty than you can shake a stick at.
In the spirit of intrepid journalism, or whatever, I'll be diving into said hotness -- headfirst -- with an episode by episode breakdown of Sense8's most titil8ing moments. Join me, won't you. But keep that shaking stick to yourself.
Right off the bat, we get introduced to Chicago policeman Will Gorski (Brian J. Smith) and his pecs. While over in San Fran, lesbian trans hacktivist Nomi Marks (Jamie Clayton) and her badass girlfriend Amanita (Freema Agyeman) are just going at it with a rainbow dildo because it's Pride after all.
Nomi and Amanita are one of two queer couples on Sense8, though they're the only couple that's open. That's right -- there's a queen in our midst.
Berliner safe-cracker Wolfgang Bogdanow (Max Riemelt) no doubt has the most nude scenes and y'know, I'm not mad about it.
The first of many. And do you remember that other queer couple?
Well, Lito (Miguel Angel Silvestre) is an action star living in Mexico City with more than just suits in his closet.
He's also got the most adorable boyfriend in Hernando (Alfonso Herrera), who for some reason puts up with being Lito's dirty little secret.
Some. Reason. I mean --
It's a good reason. But they're in love with each other, I'm in love with them and so is Lito's current beard, noted hot mess Daniela Velasquez (Erendira Ibarra). She can't take no for an answer one night and shows up at Lito's door with a bottle of champagne and no dignity -- been there -- only to find Hernando in the middle of not having any of her shenanigans.
Unfazed, Daniela hops into bed with the two of them, excited at the prospect of being a professional beard to the hottest couple in the world.
By now there's a lot going on storywise, but sexywise, it's just about Lito and Hernando.
Real talk -- it's always about Lito and Hernando. They almost make me wish I could still feel "things." Almost.
Korean businesswoman and secret underground kickboxing champion (I know) Sun Bak (Doona Bae) shows some badonk during an epic global sing-along to the 4 Non Blondes classic "What's Up?." It happens and it's kind of amazing.
Meanwhile, Daniela has fully imposed herself on Lito and Hernando's relationship. Like I said, hot mess, but you gotta admire the girl -- she's got good taste.
Call me crazy, but there's nothing sexier than a man openly weeping. Lito's overcome with the Sensate vapors.
But at home, he, Hernando and Daniela seem to be one happy little family. A beard and her gays -- the real love story of our generation.
Wolfgang's enjoying a naked swim, which is apparently something you can do at a public pool in Berlin. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Nevermind, I'm for it. Around this time I began to think that Wolfgang's ass is the real star of Sense8.
And then this fella and his two friends showed up and stole the show.
And caused Kala Dandekar (Tina Desai) to just lose her shit -- on her wedding day, no less.
And queer we are. The halfway point. Let's just say, episode 6 goes from 0 to 100 --
Nearly all the Sensates are getting turnt up and turns out one of the benefits of being emotionally and mentally linked is experiencing an orgasm via psychic pansexual orgy.
Everyone's gay, everyone's straight, gender is meangingless and it's a good thing.
And it's also -- to reiterate the theme of this story -- hot. As. Fuck.