One of the many appeals of porn is that it is fantasy. In it, you watch things that would (almost) never happen in real life, and you imagine yourself in those fantastical situations. But some guys seem to forget that porn isn’t real, often trying to bust out some outlandish moves they saw in a video. So in case you need some reminding, here are 23 huge differences between gay porn and real sex.
Is he married to a woman? Has he never sucked a penis before (but then miraculously has no gag reflex)? Is he a straight macho jock? Then it means he definitely likes c*ck.
Let’s be real for a second, many of us use poppers, and those snooty all-natural gays need to knock it off. But you never see a man using poppers in porn. Ever.
Most colleges have cracked down on hazing, and while I’m sure there are plenty of fraternities that still “torture” pledges with homoerotic rituals and acts (that ironically reaffirms their masculinity, straightness, and whiteness), I don’t think all frats are a gay breeding ground the way they’re portrayed in porn. (Or maybe they are? Damn it, why didn’t I join a frat?)
What we probably don’t see are the fluffers off set helping the actors stay erect for the entire shoot (or the viagra-popping).
According to gay porn, the anus is a magical slip-n-slide and you can just glide right up in there. For anyone who’s had lube-less sex in real life, we know how false that is.
These men are like snakes. They can unhinge their jaw. What they do is humanly impossible.
This is where the real fantasies start coming into play. But man, a boy can dream. There’s nothing gay men love more than a man in a uniform.
It’s a nonstop poundfest and they never need to take a breather or switch it up. They just take and take and take.
So condoms do exist, and they are something we should be using. And while I wish they magically appeared on penises, since our lives don’t work in a series of cuts to the next scene, we do sadly need to put them on ourselves.
You can fold him in any way, shape, or form. He’s like one of those wacky inflatable tube men you see outside a used car dealership. His limbs can go anywhere.
Porn stars aren’t really people. Even Olympic Athletes can’t bone like that. It’s a talent. It’s a craft that they have worked on.
There’s so much faux-incest stepfather action in gay porn, and I just… I just really don’t think this is happening all that often in real life.
If ONLY this were true in real life! It would solve one of the most annoying sexual problems gay men have: being both tops or bottoms.
One word describes all their penises perfectly: endowed. These men are very, very endowed. In real life, few men are hung like the bulls in pornos.
Have you ever noticed how after the doctor seduces his patient after giving him a thorough proctology exam, he just takes off his scrubs and is completely naked underneath.
FIND ME A DOCTOR WHO DOESN’T WEAR UNDERWEAR UNDERNEATH HIS SCRUBS.
So masseur porn has messed me up for life. The few times in my life I’ve gotten a professional massage from a man, I get horny and erect. And let me tell you something, they did not blow me. It was just very, very awkward.
Not only does it require immense preparation on behalf of the bottom, but it’s really difficult for the two tops to figure out the angles. It’s not as simple as “Boom, we’re in!” It takes some serious practice and repositioning.
They don’t communicate anything. They don’t say harder, switch positions, or ask if their partner likes what they’re doing. They just know, as if they both have this telepathic connection.
Okay, so this one is kinda true, and by kinda, I mean like 100% true. You go to a YMCA locker room anywhere in the world, and you will hear or see two men getting it on.
They just go for it. (Of course, though, consent is obtained prior to filming, but still, we, as viewers, never see it!)
I know the reasoning behind this. Porn companies want to show the actual ejaculation happening, and you can’t see it if it’s inside of the man. However, this is not how real life is. Often times, we ejaculate in places that we can’t see.
Every straight man apparently has his price for how much it would take him to bottom for a man. Who knows? Maybe this is true, we just have never offered to pay enough.
Sex between two men requires a lot of towels because you need to rub off all that extra lube so you don’t completely drench your sheets. (It never works, but at least you try.) However, in gay porn, I’ve never seen actors use a towel to clean off their hands or their bodies afterward.
