25 Mistakes First-Time Bottoms Make
| 12/21/17
25 Mistakes First-Time Bottoms Make
If you're into it, bottoming is fun! But there's a lot involved when it comes to bottoming: preparation, practice, being in the right mood, just to name a few. When it comes to sex, being ready is everything, which is why we've gone ahead and compiled 25 mistakes that bottoms seem to make during their first time out.
Forgetting a condom
Always bring one with you! You never know when a make out session will turn into sex.
Or knocking on dental dams
Dental dams are a great way to make rimming safe and clean. The best part? Avoid the messy parts of oral sex when going down on him. You can even cut a condom horizontal to make your own, if you so choose!
Assuming sex is like porn
Porn is a fantastical representation of sex; it isn't real. Does it feel realistic? If it's good porn, yes, but it just doesn't quite represent what sex is actually like if you're gay. So walk into sex with an open mind.
Rushing to bottom
Bottoming is fun, but it's easy to strain yourself if you're too eager to start bottoming. Take things slow with your partner, explain that you're new, and don't be afraid to speak up if you're not ready to try something new.
Not lubing up properly
Q: How much lube do you need?
A: More than you think. Lather it up, and use lubed condoms. When it comes to sex, less isn't more.
Not understanding your own boundaries
There's all sorts of tops out there, and that means some tops might be too fast for your preference. Understanding and knowing your boundaries is an important part of sex, because it gives you the opportunity to know how you like to have sex. And how you don't.
Or failing to communicate them
It's not enough to simply understand how you feel. You have to be able to express it to your partner, too, which can be hard in its own right. Learn how to talk to your partner about your boundaries, and things will go smoothly in bed.
Skipping straight to sex
You need to get him in the mood! Whether it's kissing or intense foreplay, don't just start having sex as soon as you get into the bedroom. Both of you need to get ready and set for the mood.
Using too much teeth
If you're still learning how to give a great blow job, remember: it's all in the mouth and tongue! Don't use your teeth when you're first learning, it won't feel nice for your partner.
Feeling pressured to be "good" at anal
It's your first time! No need to feel like you have to be "good" or "great" at receiving. Just go with the flow and let your partner know if you're feeling alright (or not-so-alright).
Or feeling pressured to do anal at all
Don't feel pressured to do anal if you don't want to. Your body, your rules. Bussy might just not be your cup of tea, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Not cleaning up properly
It's very, very important that you're nice and clean downstairs for your partner. Whether it's washing up your front or making sure your rear is nice and ready for play, a clean body is a happy and healthy body for sex.
Not preparing for sex beforehand
Before jumping into anal, a bottom needs to be prepped and ready to go. That usually means fingering themself beforehand, or using toys to stimulate their rear. Make sure to play around down there with sex toys beforehand.
Stressing yourself out
There's a lot of reasons why it's bad to stress yourself out before sex. The biggest? You can cause your anal muscles to tighten up, which can make sex impossible or painful. Remember to get in the moment, relax, and tell your partner if you just aren't ready yet.
Not knowing that there are different ways to bottom
You can be a power bottom, for instance! Or mix up a passive and active role. The choice is yours; don't limit yourself!
And that there's different ways to top
Some tops are aggressive, others are passive. Some like to be playful, some are a little bit more kinky. There's all sorts of different ways to top; don't be afraid to experiment with your partner a bit!
Slacking at the gym
It's important to stay physically fit! Why? So you have the strength and stamina to have sex. Don't forget to hit the gym up or go for runs regularly.
Kissing like a dead fish
It's important to kiss your partner back when they're kissing you. Pay attention to the signals they give: usually, they're cluing you in to what they want you to do, whether that's suck on their tongue or give a little lip action.
Trying a bit too hard
If it's your first time kissing, let him lead. He'll show you what to do and how to kiss him right.
Idolizing "the perfect top"
There's no such thing as a "perfect" top. Every person has flaws to their personality. That's what makes us human. Instead of honing in on whether a person is "ideal" or not, celebrate what you like about them: especially if you're in a relationship.
Or assuming your top is rugged
We're all still learning, and chances are your top also hasn't done and experienced everything under the sun. Make sure not to hold him to standards that are simply unrealistic.
Feeling unconfident
At the end of the day, sex isn't about "being good" or "performing" for someone. It's about a deep, nurturing relationship between partners. So feel confident in yourself, and don't focus on whether you're doing "good" or "bad." Just be you!
Assuming there's too many fish in the sea
Bottoms are, traditionally, in high supply in the gay community. But just because there's more bottoms than tops doesn't mean you won't find a top. "Bottoms" and "tops" are just easy ways to think about gay sex, they don't reveal the realities behind sexuality. Fact of the matter is, you're likely to find a partner just by trying for dates or hanging out at gay bars (whichever floats your boat between the two, that is). Don't be hard on yourself!
Taking sex a bit too seriously
Sex is funny, awkward, and silly. Remember not to take sex too seriously. It's all fun in the end!
Pushing yourself too hard
Go easy, go slow, and remember: everyone starts from the bottom and works their way up. You've got this.
