After two episodes of patiently waiting, American Horror Story: Apocalypse finally started giving us what we want, namely lots of murder and witches, bitches! The third episode of this iteration of the horror anthology was packed full of jaw-dropping surprises, and we're talking about all of them.
While Michael Langdon (Cody Fern) is interviewing the occupants of the outpost, it's revealed that not only do he and Dinah Stevens (Adina Porter) have a past, but she is some kind of supernatural being. "You know I'm not powerful enough to stop whatever it is you're up to," she tells him. Could she be connected to Coven?
During his confrontation with Mallory (Billie Lourd), Langdon reveals his true face. Girl, you need to moisturize!
Mallory is a witch! When Langdon spooks her with his ugly satanic mug, she uses pyrokinesis (one of the Seven Wonders from Coven) to make flames shoot out of the fireplace. Now we know why she was going on about not knowing who -- or what -- she really is.
During a satanic ritual in which Langdon reveals he's a cutter who likes snakes (typical goth kid!), he tells his dad (Satan) that he "thought i destroyed them all," referring to the witches. So part of Michael's apocalyptic duties included eradicating witches. "But one survived," he says, thinking of Mallory. Well, possibly more than one...
BILLY EICHNER LIVES! We knew there was no way he could possibly have perished so quickly. Brock has been wandering the remains of America resisting cannibalism and growing some gross tumors. He kills some other survivors who have emphatically not resisted cannibalism and steals into the outpost hiding out under a carriage delivering apples from the Cooperative.
Not really a plot-relevant surprise, but any time anilingus is mentioned requires a shout out, that's just gay rights.
Brock was looking for Coco, but it wasn't for reunion sex -- as soon as he gets her alone he stabs a knife straight into her face. Was he just powered by anger or has the radiation given him freaky super-strength? RIP Coco...for now.
Sarah Paulson and Kathy Bates murdered literally everyone! And it was gross! American Horror Story has featured plenty of gruesome deaths over the past eight seasons, but never has a killing spree been this prolific and this disgusting. It was funny to watch the survivors vomit all over each other but it went on for quite a bit, making me happy I hadn't finished that carton of cottage cheese.
After forcing Miriam to shoot Venable, Michael reveals that he had her constructed based on someone important to him from his childhood, someone who took care of him. Who could it be?
The witches are here! The scream of pure unadulterated joy I let out when the girls showed up onscreen probably worried my neighbors, but who cares? Cordelia (the Supreme!), Myrtle Snow and Madison Montgomery are back, and they're here looking for their sister witches, who turn out to be Dinah, Mallory and Coco. Cordelia uses her powers to bring them all back to life, like a true boss. Can we take a moment to appreciate that the witches left all the men for dead and only resurrected the powerful women? Female really is the future -- of the human race!
Madison is back, probably from the dead because no one stays dead on AHS. Madison Montgomery is without a doubt one of the greatest characters Ryan Murphy has ever created, and her returning with her most iconic line had me vibrating with joy.
Not only is Madison back, but it looks like she has history with Mallory. Could they be sisters? Enemies? Sisters who are enemies? Based on the preview for next week's episode it looks like we'll get a bit of Madison's backstory -- YES! -- so we know know soon. Until then, later bitches, you have not seen the last of me.
