Beyoncé's New Wax Figure Looks Like a Generic White Girl Going to a Miami Club

Here's the deal with a wax figure: it needs to look exactly like the celebrity it's impersonating, or it shouldn't even bother. You don't go to Madame Tussaud's to get a picture with the eerie, shiny sculpture that might be Anne Hathaway, but might also be Angelina Jolie. You go to prank everyone that you actually hung out with Angie, or you don't even take the picture.

Which is why it is with great pain that we announce what Beyonce's new wax doppelganger hopeful looks like:

Is it an aging club girl in Miami? Maybe. Is it Mariah Carey? Maybe. Is it a white woman in a glitter scoop neck bodysuit? Certainly. But it is not, nor will it ever be, Queen Bey. We don't mean to hurt the feelings of the sculptor: it's a finely tuned individual, and a piece of art far beyond our skills. But it is not Beyonce.

While we're on the subject, there's some startling images we must share from the past, that are actually even more frighteningly not-Beyonce than what you've seen above:

To pink dresss girl, we must ask, quite literally, who is she?