Lonely hearts ads looking for romance used to dominate the back pages of newspapers and magazines, but apparently, the modern equivalent is a queer polycule searching for a seventh partner using an online application.
A photo of an ad tacked to a telephone pole seeking a new partner for a group of polyamorous lovers has gone viral on social media, as people are both shocked that this type of relationship exists and blown away by the wild and in-depth questions the application asks.
While some people are struggling to make relationships with just two people — or maybe a throuple — function, these six San Francisco natives are looking for a new partner for their polycule, where "any gender" is welcome.
The original post with the flyer taped to a telephone pole has already accumulated more than 9 million views since April 16, as it spread like wildfire on social media, with people in the comments losing it.
Could the whole thing be one giant joke? Sure. But either way, people on the internet have been having a blast roasting the polycule's application.
What is a polycule?
If you’ve somehow missed out on all of the seemingly never-ending discourse surrounding the practice of ethical non-monogamy, polyamory is the term for people who engage in multiple, consensual, romantic and sexual relationships simultaneously.
A portmanteau of polyamory and molecule, a polycule is a loose network of people connected through romantic relationships, though not all members need to be dating each other. Although, according to the application for the viral polycule, a new partner “must be sexually open to all our members.”
What is in the viral polycule ad?
The initial ad says the group is “seeking a new polycule member” because they “recently had a defector.”
To be considered for the new role, everyone has to “commit exclusively to our polycule,” be open to sex with all six members, and be between 5’5 and 5’10 for “practical positioning reasons.”
All of this might make a monogamous person’s head spin, but if you’ve ever lived in the Bay Area, you’d recognize that being asked to only pay $1,570 per month to live in a Victorian home in Noe Valley is a steal worth considering.
But the ad also points potential polycule members to an in-depth application that people on X have visited, only to find out just how bizarre this whole situation gets.
What is in the viral polycule application?
The online application lets you know that they just went through a breakup and are now looking for a seventh member for their “fun-loving, diverse, ragtag bunch of lover people” who want to find someone who also loves long walks on the beach, trying new restaurants, and watching rom-coms while cuddled on their “XL couch.”
The polycule is made up of six people ranging in age from 22 to 65 (yes, you read that correctly, although all but two people are in their twenties), and calls itself “The Norman Polycule” after their leader. But don’t worry because "the President position is rotated every 6-7 years,” so you’ll have the chance to be the leader in no time.
They’re also not interested in newbies to having multiple lovers. Ideally, all applicants would have “prior polycule experience” or “simultaneous long-term partners, 10+ threesomes or 5+ orgies.”
Now, while the rent may be low for San Francisco, you will be sharing a bed “with one of our lovely members,” which will rotate on a monthly basis, and the group shares a single seven-seater car.
You’ll also be expected to be exclusive with the group, except at Burning Man, where “at least three (3) members must be present when engaging with another individual or polycule.”
And if you break any of their rules, you will be punished by the group using “reasonable corporal discipline,” but you’ll get a warning three to four days ahead of time.
The application also has a section for “family planning” because The Norman Polycule wants to have between three and four kids, and they are currently discussing “the genetically-optimal combinations” within the group.
Beyond being asked for your name, age, LinkedIn, and waist measurement, people on social media raised their eyebrows at some of the other questions, like what your “special move is” in the bedroom, what “talents/skills” you would bring to the polycule, if “male pattern baldness” runs in your family, what number you would choose to be in a conga line, and if you’re “interested in entering the breeding pool?”
Is there an update?
While the polycule hasn’t responded to just how viral their application went, they did update the actual application with a video response to some of the reactions they’ve received.
When introducing the six current polycule members, the application jokes that 22-year-old Zaid is “the baby of the polycule, and the ‘least favorite’ haha, just kidding! That’s one of our inside jokes, which you’ll get to know if you end up joining our polycule.”
So on April 18, after their application had gone viral on social media, they posted “a lil addendum based on some of the concerns we’ve seen on twitter about Zaid’s place in our polycule.” The silly video features Zaid saying that he “really loves my polycule” while blinking rapidly and acting like he’s in a hostage situation as people (presumably other polycule members) make shadow puppets over his face.
