This Friday Disney will release it’s live action remake of Aladdin, and while the new film has its fair share of eye candy — I’m looking at you, sexy Jafar — real Disney gays know that Disney princes don’t need to be 3D to be fine. Classic Disney films are essentially a cruising ground full of hot princes, but how do they stack up against each other? So glad you asked!
In Out’s grand tradition of sexualizing animated characters, here is a definitive ranking of every Disney prince (plus a few demigods and colonizers) by hotness.
John Smith might be daddy goals, but he’s also literally a colonizer, so he is dead last on this list. Justice for Kocoum, who would have ranked much higher on this list had he been the rightful love interest!
Charming is the prototype of Disney princes, but he has absolutely zero personality — he doesn’t even have a song! But if we were talking about his live action counterpart Richard Madden, that would be a whole other story.
If I try to think about what Snow White’s prince looks like I can’t even summon up an image, which isn’t a good sign! To be honest, he kind of looks like a male version of Snow White, meaning they’re basically every gay couple in West Hollywood.
Aurora’s man is definitely #twinkgoals, but he’s also a total snooze. But he would be at the top of the list were this a definitive ranking of Park Slope lesbians.
Kristoff may not be a prince yet, but he’s dating Princess Ana, making him eligible for this list. The blonde has a dufus-y, boy-next-store energy that’s very appealing. Plus, you know he’s got some serious muscles from lifting all that ice.
While not technically a prince, Hercules is a jacked twunk demigod — or, as one of the Muses puts it, a “perfect package” with “a pair of pretty pecs.”
A recent rewatch of Tangled reminded me that Flynn Rider is foine. And, as a former thief who marries Rapunzel, he’s not just a prince, he’s an anticapitalist prince! We have to stan.
It’s pretty impressive that despite spending most of his film as a frog, Prince Naveen still makes it into the top five of this list. Naveen is a spoiled rich boy who can’t do anything for himself, meaning he’s either a very lazy top or … a very lazy bottom.
Let me be clear: I am talking about the Beast pre-transformation. The muscles, the fur, the low rumbling growl of a voice — I’m flushing just thinking about it. And sure, once the Beast transforms back into his human form he’s got a very impressive chest, but I’ll take him as a bear any day.
Prince Erik is so perfect that a statue had to be erected in his honor. I can think of a few other things I’d like to erect in his honor.
Not only is Li Shang an iconic chaser, he’s also a bisexual king — he was attracted to Mulan when she was presenting as male and female. Sexually-fluid queer Disney legend confirmed!
The twink of twinks, Prince Ali himself. As soon as Aladdin strutted across the streets of Agrabah and into our hearts with his tiny vest and perfect pecs, he solidified his place as the absolutely hottest Disney prince. And while his live action counterpart is pretty cute, no human male could ever hope to reach Aladdin’s pinnacle of animated twink perfection.
