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Pornhub Just Released a Bathing Suit Designed to Hide Your Boner

Pornhub Just Released a Bathing Suit Designed to Hide Your Boner

Apparently getting boners at the beach is a huge problem for straight men, because Pornhub has just launched their Bonerless Bathing Suit, which is supposed to keep you from showing off how excited nubile sunbathing bodies get you. “Isn’t that the whole point of going to the beach?” said every gay man ever. Most gay bathing suits are cut to literally show off an erect penis to its greatest advantage.

“Introducing the Bonerless Bathing Suit, the cure for those beach boner blues,” reads Pornhub’s website. “Whether it’s the swarms of half-naked bods, a warm breeze catching you just the right way or simply because your little buddy’s got a mind of his own, if your start to rise our patented Bonerless Technology will stop the tide. So grab your shades and your surfboard and leave your worries at home, because turning your next hard-on into a hard-off will be a day at the beach.”

They even produced a cute music video set to a swinging beach tune (that sounds a lot like Smash Mouth) to show off their new product. It features the kind of pasty straight guy you’d imagine makes up most of Pornhub’s views.

And this isn’t just a PR stunt! The suit is actually on sale at bonerless.com (lol), comes in four sizes (S-XL) and retails for $69.95. According to the official description, “an inner layer of form-fitting material holds in the excitement. High quality, breathable fabric will stretch but wont strangle. Ergonomic design provides maximum comfort in your time of need.”

Maybe we should be happy that we’ll no longer need to suffer through pervy straight man boners at the beach, but won’t this just empower men to ogle as much as they want without fear of getting caught, all while wearing an extremely ugly bathing suit? Also, what gay man would buy this? What’s the point of going to Fire Island if you people can’t tell whether or not you’re circumcised through your bathing suit — if you’re even wearing one! Straight culture … whew!

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Tags: Fashion

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