Sometimes, late at night, when I'm unable to sleep, I wonder whether or not there is a God. Whether there is some divine being, some larger force in the universe that is guiding things—or if it's all just random chaos. Today, friends, I received my answer. There is a God, and s/he quite possibly may have homosexual tendencies (or at least bi, though, according to Cynthia Nixon, then everyone would then hate him/her). What led me to this answer, you may be asking yourself? Well, just the fact that today it was announced that Shirley MacLaine—she of Terms of Endearment, Steel Magnolias, Sweet Charity, Postcards from the Edge, and In Her Shoes (don't judge, it's an underrated gem)—has been cast in the forthcoming third season of my latest obsession, Downton Abbey. But wait! There's more! She won't just be shuffling in for a withering cameo. She's been cast as Lady Grantham's American mother and will serve as an adversary to none other than the Dowager Countess, Dame Maggie Smith. I can't even begin to explain how exciting this news is—I'm quivering in anticipation for the one-liners that will be flung like arrows during after-dinner drinks in the drawing room. So, God, thank you. Thank you so very much.