Excerpts from Lana Del Rey’s Upcoming Book of Spells

Lana Del Rey

It’s no secret that Lana Del Rey participates in casual witchcraft, and has even joined the Wiccan community in binding Donald Trump from doing no harm while in the White House. The Lust For Life songstress has decided to take her hobby one step further by including a collection of her own spells and hexes in an upcoming book of spells, and we at OUT were lucky enough to procure some excerpts:

To Call Forth a Hot Dad in a Vintage Marlboro T-Shirt

This is actually a very rudimentary ritual. Simply form a pentagram in your living room and put an empty 25 fl. oz. can of Budweiser at the end of each point. Once you’ve done that, sit down in the middle of the pentagram and chant literally any lyric from my current album, Lust for Life, until someone’s cool Uncle Steve appears in front of you and whisks you off your feet.

Related | The 16 Most Lana Del Rey Lyrics on Lust for Life

How to time travel to 1969

During the next solar eclipse, drive to the nearest abandoned drive-in movie theater. Stand in the middle of the field and gently run your fingers through the fringe of a shirt you’re wearing and whisper the lyrics to Janis Joplin’s “Me and Bobby McGee.” To return to your time, simply run your fingers through the fringe of your shirt in the opposite direction and whisper the lyrics to “Me and Bobby McGee” backwards.

Conjuring a tattoo in handwritten cursive on the side of your hand

Why pay money at a tattoo parlor when you can just conjure your own tattoos? First, write down what you would like to have tattooed on the side of your hand on a piece of rolling paper. Then fold it up four times and stick it behind your ear. Once you’ve done that, use your mortar and pestle to crush and grind up a pack of American Spirit cigarettes. Smear the ashes on the side of your hand and slowly wipe them off from left to right by using the bristles of a wooden hair brush. You’ll find yourself freshly inked without the needle and the dent in your wallet.

To hex an ex

Cry exactly three tears into a shotglass. Then go outside and throw the dirtier shoe of your oldest pair of Converse at a waning crescent moon as hard as you can while shouting the name of your ex.

How to possess an assistant manager at Urban Outfitters

This spell is not for the novice: this one takes a bit more experience, skill and precision. This spell requires three specific items: first, you must obtain a lock of Ed Sheeran’s hair. Then, you must obtain a pair of old sneakers tied to a power line. Lastly, take the stems of seven cherries and cross them with seven candle wicks. Find a motel in the midwest somewhere that advertises its name in neon and get a room for the night. Put all of these objects in the tub and fill it with PBR. Stand in the bathtub and start slowly swaying counter-clockwise to Purity Ring’s “Fineshrine” (“Sweater Weather” by The Neighborhood will also do). Keep swaying until you feel yourself slowly possessing the body of the nearest guy named Aryn who’s the assistant manager of the local Urban Outfitters.

Summoning Stevie Nicks

Just stick a Rumours vinyl under your pillow during the next full moon. 

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