Rosie O'Donnell got a 'they' tattoo to remember her teen's pronouns

As Rosie O’Donnell prepares for her big week in front of a national audience of millions, she's sharing a very personal story that shows just how far she'll go to support her youngest child: She gave herself a permanent reminder in their honor, in the form of a tattoo on her wrist.

The out actress and former talk show host will return to network television for the first time in 11 years starting Monday, Aug. 17 as substitute host of Jimmy Kimmel Live on ABC. Fans and followers of O'Donnell, 64, know she frequently shares photos and videos of Clay, 13, on Instagram, as recently as June. During a recent appearance on Amy Poehler’s podcast Good Hang, O'Donnell discussed Clay coming out as nonbinary in 2024 and using they/them pronouns.

Poehler complimented O'Donnell for her efforts to get those pronouns right: "I love that you're constantly correcting, in real time, like we all do. It's really beautiful."

"And it really matters to them and I know it matters to them," said O'Donnell.

But the adjustment, she said, has been hard. So, she decided it was time to take action.

“I tried my best, but I kept saying ‘she.’ And so they wrote on a cardboard paper, ‘they,’ and then they would hold it up above their head every time I said 'she,' like John Cusack in Say Anything, with the boombox, just staring at me,” O’Donnell told Poehler on the podcast. But as she told the story of what happened next, O'Donnell inadvertently did exactly what her child asked her not to do: She repeatedly called them "she" and "her."

"So, I took her to my cousin’s tattoo shop with the ‘they’ in her handwriting, and I had it tattooed on my wrist, so that I would never forget, that it would remind me. And I thought she’d be very touched. She’d didn’t give two shits. She could not care less," said O'Donnell, and realized: The tattoo wasn't enough.

"And I just said 'she!' I just did it again in the 'they' story," she said. "I messed it up." O'Donnell and Poehler shared a hearty laugh. "It's very hard, honey," O'Donnell said.

O'Donnell's critics at the New York Post mocked the Long Island native for her "woke ink" and for repeatedly misgendering Clay as she told the story, as well as for "flying the coop" by moving her family to Ireland last year. That move led her nemesis — President Donald Trump — to threaten to revoke her citizenship, as The Advocate reported.

Five years ago, journalist Adryan Corcione shared advice and resources for nonbinary youth to deal with their parents in Them, based on conversations with experts as well as their own lived experience. "For many older straight cis people, learning how to use gender-neutral pronouns will take some time. After coming out to my dad months ago, I made a mental note that I’d allow an adjustment period for the rest of the year."

Writer Tracy Moore also shared advice for parents who make the same mistake Rosie made: "When I slip up, I apologize and correct it," she wrote in an op-ed in the Washington Post in 2021.

"We haven’t come to any conclusions here, but that doesn’t change what I would tell any parent, boss, teacher or colleague: Just buckle up and deal with it. Sure, it’s not automatic, and that’s okay. But it’s not going away. So, take your discomfort somewhere else, because this isn’t about you. It’s about stepping up as a parent in an era that’s new for all of us, but doubly delicate for our children, who need us to support their latest haircut as much as we would the person they’re becoming — whoever that person may be."

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