Chris Kluwe Talks Patting Dudes' Butts, Gay Marriage
By Evan Lambert
Remember Chris Kluwe? The Minnesota Vikings punter who wrote that letter to sports website Deadspin about how gay marriage is awesome? And said Maryland Delegate Emmett Burns was a douche for saying otherwise? Cool. Now picture him patting a bunch of guys' butts.
Well, you've probably already pictured that before. Or you've literally seen it at any of his games. But that's precisely what he talked about on last night's Colbert Report. When Colbert jokingly asked him why he supports gay marriage when "football players are a thousand miles from gay," Kluwe shot back: "Uhh, you'd be surprised."
Well, well, Chris! What exactly goes on in those locker rooms after practice? Oh, wait ... you were just talking about that butt-patting thing? Oh. Damn. Well, that's chill, too.
After Colbert riffed on how patting other guys' butts isn't gay at all — and mimed butt-patting — Chris offered up the following elegant explanation of why he wrote his now infamous letter.
"As an elected official, Delegate Burns does not have the right to stifle someone else's free speech. That's the First Amendment. So when he wrote that letter saying, 'Stifle this man's free speech,' it really kind of irked me as an American because that's not what this country is about. And it segued quite nicely into the same sex marriage issue because I firmly believe that people are people and deserve to be treated in the same way as everyone else."
Aww. Thanks, Chris! I kinda want to pat YOUR butt now! In a not gay way, I mean. Like, a pat between bros. Word.