The second most important awards ceremony of the year (sorryboutit, People's Choice) trudged on for an unruly three hours, made even more unbearable by host Ricky Gervais, who instead of showing up to phone it in next year, should literally just call in from whatever bar he finds himself under. While Gervais was busy reminding us how awesome Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are, the Hollywood Foreign Press made some very interesting choices over the course of the night. Seriously, who has actually seen Mozart in the Jungle?
Below, the highlights and gaylights of the 2016 Golden Globes.
Taraji P. Henson
Empire's Lady Lyon snatched the Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama award and did what she does best: run away with the show. From handing out cookies to the audience, reading a commoner for stepping on her train and openly disregarding the wrap-it-up music, TPH owned everything.
Denzel Washington's hot ass son
Tom Hanks is everyone's dad and really classed up the joint with his tribute to Denzel Washington.
But when the legendary actor brought up his family, his son John David Washington flooded the internet's collective basement with his stunning beard and tuxedo combo.
Not only did he look every inch the gentleman, he also acted it. Take a note, Leo (see below).
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is perhaps the best comedy on TV and star/creator Rachel Bloom deserved her Best Actress Globe for redeeming the musical comedy after the final season of Glee did its best to ruin the genre.
Jane Fonda has been deep in the game for six decades so this isn't her first time at the rodeo. She upstaged actresses a third her age and don't think we didn't see her and Terrence Howard flirting before the commercial break.
Due to a proliferation of potty mouths, most of the good jokes were lost on the audience at home, but whatever went down between Mel Gibson and Ricky Gervais gave Alan Cumming the best audience reaction of the night.
The Brit crooner continued racking up the awards, this time for his original song from Spectre, "Writing's on the Wall," which he collected with his adorkable songwriting partner Jimmy Napes
J. Law and A. Schu
America's favorite besties--for now--brought their well-publicized friendship to the stage, giving us a glimpse of their future Grey Gardens selves.
Luckily, most of the beards we see at awards shows these days come on a face and not as a plus-one. Jason Statham, Tom Ford, Oscar Isaac, Ryan Gosling, Chris Evans, Alejandro G. Inarritu and whoever the hottie sitting next to Lily Tomlin is were among the most dashing men sporting facial hair.
Lady Gaga winning for her role on American Horror Story: Hotel was an interesting choice, but not an unexpected one. I've had several conversations cum arguments about Gaga's merits as an actress on AHS:H, though I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if she's good or not; she's simply fascinating to watch. She has a quality about her, like a Garbo or Liz Taylor, where it's impossible for you not to watch her and be intrigued by what she's doing while acting--even if it does sometimes feel off in a way.
Leonardo DiCaprio was accused of throwing some shade as Gaga walked by.
Though he later denied it with the subtly shady explanation: "I just didn't know what was passing me, that's all!"
Meanwhile, throw another award at her for the high drama in this walk up the stairs.
Kudos to whichever queen screamed "Werq, Gaga!" from the audience. I don't have any proof, but I'm 99% sure it was Channing Tatum.
And kudos to Gaga for saying what we were all thinking.