Lawyer Up, Gays! This Woman Is Suing You On Behalf Of Jesus

Sylvia Ann Driskell, come on down! This 66-year-old Auburn, Nebraska woman wins this week's "Really, Bitch?" award for attempting to sue all homosexuals in the name of God.

Mrs. Driskell filed a seven-page petition asking U.S. District Judge John M. Gerrard to decide whether homosexulaity is a sin. You know Sylv is serious because said petition is handwritten:

Who appointed this lovely woman God's ambassador is a matter only she, her clergyman and the voices in her head can decide. As for the lawsuit, Driskell v. Homosexuals doesn't cite any laws the homosexuals are violating except merely existing. Instead, Sylv -- who, shockingly, is representing herself -- quotes some Bible verses and lays down this pretty air-tight argument:

That homosexuality is a sin and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in the closet.

Hell, who needs a lawyer when you've got that logic and, of course, God and His Son, Jesus Christ, on your side? If and when we're all called to the stand to testify, I can only hope we're given a queer and balanced trial.

Les Fabian Brathwaite -- guilty as sin.