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Fox News Is Really Pissed Off About "Gingerbread People"

"Gingerbread People" Are the Latest Attack in the War on Christmas

The war on Christmas is alive and well, soldiers. Our latest salvo: forcing gingerbread men to identify as “gingerbread people,” gender neutral agents of the queer agenda.

During a segment on Fox News’s Tucker Carlson Tonight, talking head Tammy Bruce — literally the most homophobic name I’ve ever heard — talking about being “bullied” her entire life, called a bad person and forced to perform unspeakable acts like respecting people’s identities. “It can be the smallest thing that tips you over the edge,” she said Tuesday, “in this case it’s calling gingerbread men a gingerbread person, when obviously...they’re men.”

Obviously!

Bruce was responding to a coffee shop in Scottish Parliament building recent decision to rebrand their Christmas cookies as gender neutral in an effort to “stamp out sexism.” A scottish conservative called it a “pointless gesture,” but Bruce clearly understood that the queering of Christmas cookies was much more insidious, part of a larger plot to utterly destroy the holidays as she knows them, transforming Christmas into an orgy of tolerance and equality.

“Maybe the less is the rest of us shouldn’t participate in our own spiritual neutering,” pondered Carlson and that we should every step along the way say, ‘I’m not complying.’” They pair also chatted about playing iconic date rape anthem “Baby, it’s Cold Outside,” as a form of resistance.

Let cishetero bakers across the land cower in terror as we make the yuletide they. First the genderqueer Mx Claus, now this — no Christmas tradition is safe from trans vengeance!

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