A stop on Funk Master Flex's Hot 97 broadcast is basically necessary for any rapper. At least it was at one point. And the show, with it's trademark freestyle segment, still holds quite a bit of cultural cachet. But when Tyler the Creator went on the show last week, he toggled back and forth between trolling and flirting with the legendary radio show host in ways that we've honestly never seen anyone do before.
"I don't have anything prepared," Tyler said initially when Flex initially brought up the freestyle segment, pretty early on in the interview which ended up dragging on for hours, edited down to an almost two hour broadcast.
"I don't believe you," Flex responded, pretty used to artists trying to lower his expectations before busting out a well-polished, well-rehearsed 16 bars.
"I don't have many random songs with verses that are not already out, that I'ma say right here and then you'll hear it like two months later," Tyler responded. "I've been looking -- I don't." Instead, he said he had six bars he'd come with on the way to the interview he would try out. And then he diverted the conversation.
Over the next hour Tyler continually did this, diverting the conversation whenever it turned to the freestyle. In that time they discussed monogamy, which Tyler called dumb, bonded over old cars, talked about college (also dumb), and Tyler explained that he had a hand in every aspect of his music business.
"Everytime I go to introduce this, he takes me off of my game to get this record on," Flex finally says, itching to get on with it. "It's not a freestyle. We're going to play a beat, and he's going to give some bars."
"I'm giving y'all 9 bars," Tyler responds. "Y'all just got a three-hour interview. I'm cute as shit. We just let the world know you are a geek, goop nerd fuck." And finally the music is turned on, and here come the lyrics.
"Free Rakim, free Rakim, I might fly to Sweden to free him," he starts off, referencing A$AP Rocky's incarceration in Sweden. "Braid my wig, A$AP on my rib, Switch with him, then I can fuck all the sweet men that I wanna. Actually I'm gonna, heat it up real quick, mothafucka I'm LeBron," and just like that, we're off to the races.
"Listen Flex, we just met but I know it don't seem like R. Kelly wet dreams I always keep 16," he raps. "Me and Flex looking in the index for buff net nigga, just for some hot butt sex nigga," he says, before looking pensively at Flex. Flex throws his hands up,
"What made you go with that verse?" he asks. Tyler, plunges on with other lines instead of addressing the question, dropping lines that allude to the big business he's doing.
"Why, when they mention Black businesses, they never mention me dog. I don't know, because if they talking M's, GOLF did 17 in 18 mothafucka and that's just one season." He's likely saying that his business GOLFWANG made $17 million in 2018. Hoe goes on to rap about cars after Flex provides him with a prompt. He even turns that back around to talking about his brand which he says just made a couple million at their flagship location.
"I don't got much else to say so I'ma end this shit," he says later, "because I got a lil date with this dude real quick, we probably going to go get some ice cream and do -- oh, wait a minute he just got off his damn last shift, and he say that his momma can't do the dishes, so he gotta go help her, so I'ma weep and look for someone on Yelp, but that's not a dating app so what you use Tinder, Grindr, get with all ya niggas and get right behind em? What you gon' do me like yo, DM and slide 'em?"
The latter line was a reference from earlier in the show when Flex had said he would send the rapper a photo of a car they were discussing on Instagram. When Flex begins to protest, Tyler turns the rhymes personal.
"Flex, why are you lying?" he says, "Why you trying to play me like 50 Cent when he was dying, trying to get it, get it, I rid it, rid it, and did it, you in it, in it, muah, I kiss it nigga. Scooby Doobey, oobey da loobie, me and Flex was cuddled up watching Scooby Doo, eating Scooby Snacks. He said he wanted my boobies, I said I don't gottem, he said whatever," The rhymes continue.
Seconds later, Tyler becomes, somehow, even more direct. "Man, it's weird as fuck, I keep flirting with Flex and he ain't trying to fuck. Now I'm confused, I'ma leave. I just think that he hate me. I thought I came here so he'd date me. He talking 'bout a freestye, eww nigga, fuck rap, fuck that, I was trying to take him back and take off that hat and we can be like mwah, mwah, mwah on the lips," he says.
If this is what rap looks like today, we can't wait for more of it.
Watch the entire video below. The rap starts around 1:21:20.
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