Childhood crush:
This crossing guard who worked near my kindergarten. He had a huge mouth and these enormous white teeth.
Most regretted fashion choice:
The $1,000 I spent having a dress made a month before I stopped doing drag. I never wore it.
Who will play you in the film version of your life story?
Andy Samberg. My God, have you seen that man's mouth? His teeth?
My vision of hell is:
A world run by haters like James Dobson and Pat Robertson. Plus: nothing but small-mouthed boys with tiny, dark teeth.
What will it say on your tombstone?
"I'm With Stupid," with an arrow pointing at my boyfriend's tombstone. His will say the same, with an arrow pointing back at mine.
Savage has a nationally syndicated sex advice column, Savage Love. His memoir The Kid is being adapted into a musical.Send a letter to the editor about this article.
