the tax code would be changed to allow pets as dependents; cosmetic surgery, Botox, microdermabrasion, teeth whitening, massage, depilatories, waxing, and gym memberships would be 100% deductible as medical expenses.
all inaugural balls would be Jeffrey Sanker productions, with tickets starting at $1,000 ($5,000 for the VIP pre-party with go-go boys and free water bottles).
Ellen DeGeneres would be appointed Secretary of State. Nothing sticks to her!
Michael Musto would be appointed Director of National Intelligence. If he cant get the dirt, no one can.
all military uniforms would be sedate, functional, sexy, and form-fittingsomething by John Bartlett, perhaps.
the Castro, West Hollywood, and Chelsea would set up embassies in red states.
the national anthem would be remixed by Peter Rauhofer.
the Secret Service would be replaced by the Down Low Service.
the Fashion Police would hand out actual citations.
White House dinners for visiting heads of state would last all weekend, culminating in a tea dance on the Washington Mall.
