Accepting who you are is often the hardest part.
Actress and model Cara Delevingne has opened up about the struggles she went through before coming out on a new episode of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop podcast.
“I grew up in an old-fashioned household. I didn’t know anyone who was gay,” Delevingne, a model and actress who has starred in Suicide Squad and Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, said in the episode. “I didn’t know that was a thing and actually, I think growing up … I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic.”
She explained further, saying she pushed those feelings down so much, she found the idea of being gay repulsed her. “The idea of being [with] same-sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, ‘Oh, my God, I would never. That’s disgusting, ugh.’”
Her fears about sexual attraction led her to some dark places, including suicidal ideation when she was younger. “I was so unhappy and I wasn’t following my truth, especially in terms of being a model,” she said. “That whole thing of having to fit into the box — I’m an androgynous person. I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble ‘man.’”
After coming out, she was finally able to embrace who she really is. Delevingne was in a relationship with musician Annie Clark of St. Vincent as early as 2015, and was rumored to be with Fast and Furious actor Michelle Rodriguez before that.
While she previously identified as bisexual, Delevingne came out as pansexual last year in an interview with Variety. “I always will remain, I think, pansexual,” she told the magazine. “However one defines themselves, whether it’s ‘they’ or ‘he’ or ‘she,’ I fall in love with the person, and that’s that. I’m attracted to the person.”
If you are a trans or gender-nonconforming person considering suicide, Trans Lifeline can be reached at (877) 565-8860. LGBTQ youth (ages 24 and younger) can reach the Trevor Project Lifeline at (866) 488-7386. You can also access chat services at TheTrevorProject.org/Help or text START to 678678. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255 can be reached 24 hours a day by people of all ages and identities.