Let's not pretend that Scream Queens is a good show. In fact, it's kind of terrible. So terrible that it hits that sweet spot where it's amazing and kind of brilliant in all its schlockery. The cheesy dialogue, the thinly and haphazardly sketched characters, the nonsensical plot, and its dedication to campy absurdity combined to make Scream Queens one of the most entertaining shows on TV this season.
Here, 10 things that Scream Queens taught us--spoilers ahead.
1. Niecey Nash is a NATIONAL TREASURE.
Unfailingly, Niecey Nash was the best part of Scream Queens. Of course she's usually the best part of anything (see also: Reno 911, Getting On) but as Denise Hemphill she was pure, kooky, yelling delight.
2. Oliver Hudson has got some serious DILF bod.
Big daddy Weston Gardner was weird--really weird--but even when being super creepy and stalking his daughter Grace around campus, he remained ever DILF-like.
3. And evil takes a human form in Chanel Oberlin.
Emma Roberts, for the record, plays a great bitch. In the underrated Scream 4, in AHS: Coven and now her greatest HBIC: Chanel #1. Uniformly uniformed in her namesake couture, she catwalked over the mounting dead bodies with little to no regard for the law or logic.
4. Chanel #3 is from a galaxy far, far away.
I only learned the other night that Billie Lourd (Sadie/Chanel #3) is Carrie Fisher's daughter, which would explain:
A. why she's awesome, and
B. the Leia buns in the final court scene that are so on the nose you might as well call them cocaine.
5. Nick Jonas--say it soft and it's almost like praying.
Playing dumb fauxmosexual Boone gave the usually shy and reserved Nick the chance to finally show off his rockin' bod and Scream Queens was not above piling on those chances whenever possible.
6. Scream Queens had some of the best man candy on TV.
In addition to Nicki Jones, Scream Queens boasted some tasty primetime beef, notably campus manslut Chad Radwell, played by Glenn Powell. Meanwhile, Pete aka Diego Boneta was stunning even when he had some crazy on his face:
However, we could all have used more Lucien Laviscount because, hi:
7. Hester is crazy AF.
First of all, no one should be surprised that Hester was one of the Red Devil killers since Lea Michele is not about to take a supporting role in anything. Second, Michele is delightfully unhinged as Hester who gets extra points for using my favorite weapon of ocular destruction.
Related | Five Things We Learned from Lea Michele About the Scream Queens Finale
8. Dean Munsch's character makes absolutely no sense.
Jamie Lee Curtis was great as Dean Cathy Munsch, but what the hell is her character? She's like a ninja or something, who can survive extreme temperatures and drink tons of poison without so much as a flinch or an explanation. She's also a dynamite in the sack as Weston learns:
9. Ariana Grande will snatch a scene right from under you.
Ari had like 5 minutes screen time during the entire show--because it's a full-time job being an international pop star--yet she had one of the best and most memorable deaths and one of the greatest gifs to come out of this very gif-worthy show.
10. Don't go chasing waterfalls.
The glorious specter of '80s pop and '90s R&B hung all over Scream Queens, especially TLC's seminal 1995 megahit "Waterfalls," which kind of set the events of the season into motion--I would explain but it really doesn't matter. What does matter is that the show's soundtrack was sublime, bringing classics like Jane Child's "Don't Want to Fall in Love," Roxette's "Listen to Your Heart" and of course "Waterfalls" to the kids. Just for that, Scream Queens, your work here is done.
Les Fabian Brathwaite--sticking to the rivers and the lakes that I'm used to.
