9 expert tips to improve your sexual stamina

What is sexual stamina?

Sexual stamina is the ability to maintain sexual arousal and not run out of physical energy before the sexual encounter is over.

For cis men, sexual stamina usually means "maintaining an erection and delaying ejaculation until climax is desired,” and for cis women, it’s all about having enough energy to have “intercourse for as long as desired without pain,” Adam & Eve’s resident sexologist Dr. Jenni Skyler tells Out. But sexual stamina also refers to “either or both people's cardiovascular capacity to engage in sexual activity without getting tired,” regardless of whether you are cis, transgender, or nonbinary.

Ilana Grines, a queer licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist in Los Angeles, says sexual stamina “is the ability to sustain sexual activity, arousal, and engagement for as long as feels good to you and your partner/partners. But she also cautions against obsessing solely on lasting longer or “finishing too fast." Instead, try to improve your “energy, presence, and engagement” during sex.

“It's really important to differentiate between stamina that is just about endurance, for endurance sake, and stamina that is about pleasure,” she explains. “Just because you can last a really long time doesn't mean that you are enjoying the sex that you're having.”

What causes low sexual stamina?

Issues with endurance during sex can have both physical and emotional causes. You may lack the cardiovascular health to be active throughout a sexual encounter, or you may have anxiety or other emotional problems that stop you from being fully engaged or that cause erectile dysfunction issues.

“Generally, what I see from my practice is that the things that interfere with stamina are stress, anxiety, sleep, deficits, medication side effects, as well as alcohol and illicit substances,” Grines says. “These are the typical and they also extend into unspoken relationship issues, silent mental health struggles, as well as just not enough warm-up in sexual activity before jumping in.”

Certain medications, untreated medical issues like diabetes, ADHD taking away from focus, and relationship issues can all cause low sexual stamina, but premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction and pain with intercourse can also “hijack the sexual experience and create limited sexual stamina,” Skyler says.

Abby Neuberg, a kink-aware sex and relationship therapist who works with LGBTQ+ and polyamorous couples, tells Out that in her practice, she commonly finds “issues around stamina linked to anxiety around sex; the fear of not ‘performing’ well.”

But Neuberg also thinks people shoot themselves in the foot when they spend more time worrying about the destination than the journey to get there. “Many people are not learning how to slow down and not focusing on orgasm and rather focusing on pleasure, curiosity, play in connection, whether with a partner or themselves. We do a big disservice teaching people that self-pleasure or sex is about getting to orgasm and not about the process,” she says.

9 tips for improving your sexual stamina

1. Get more cardiovascular exercise

“This can help not only with stamina, but also a connection to our own bodies and that is very useful,” Grines says. This can include running and HIIT workouts. But if you hate burpees (who doesn't?), then you also try cycling, swimming, or even dancing.

2. Prioritize sleep

It may not be sexy, but working on your sleep hygiene — including going to bed and waking at the same time every day and limiting screen time before bed — can improve your stamina. “Poor sleep impacts sexual performance more than most people are willing to admit,” Grines says.

3. Limit drugs and alcohol before sex

This may seem counterintuitive if you like to party before a hookup, but Grines says it “is a no-brainer; drugs and alcohol tend to poorly impact sexual performance.”

4. Try mindfulness and meditation

“This allows you to connect more to your body and bringing more awareness to the things that you may be saying to yourself that get in the way,” Grines says. “One of the greatest [tools for] increasing stamina is recognizing the internal dialogue that we have that may sound like anxiety and combating that in the moment.”

5. Consider hormone therapy

“Starting HRT can be game-changing for vaginal health and comfort,” Skyler says. “Topical vaginal estrogen for the vestibule and first part of the intriotus is an essential part of vaginal health in perimenopause and menopause, eliminating vaginal atrophy and pain.” Testosterone levels may also need to be addressed if you have chronically low levels, since that can also impact sexual performance, diminish energy, and lower libido.

6. Work on your relationship

For those in a long-term relationship, you need to address any problems with your partner if you want the sex to get better and last longer. “If there is relationship resentment or friction, then working on improving emotional intimacy can translate to sexual stamina,” Skyler says.

7. Practice during masturbation

“Commonly, people with penises might find they would like to have sex longer and need to learn about what their body feels like right before orgasm,” Neuberg says. “This process of masturbating very close to orgasm, slowing down, breathing and relaxing your muscles and bringing your arousal down and then coming back up teaches people how to go from a high-level arousal to a lower level of arousal. This technique can include diaphragmatic breathing as a way of reducing arousal or gentle pressure at the tip of the penis when close to orgasm.”

8. Gain wisdom with age — and from older people

“Our bodies may also need different positions or other types of support which require new learning,” Neuberg says. "Interestingly enough, older people still have very satisfying or more satisfying sex lives, even with limitations because of the ability to advocate for themselves, get the support they need, and communicated with their partners. In midlife, we may become less intimidated with using lubrications and adding toys or other kinky experiences into their sex life.”

9. Try pleasure mapping

“This is where people doing, mindful process of exploring different types of touch, sensation or pressure or pace to discover where and what feels good in different parts of their body,” Neuberg says. “They can do this with a partner or solo. This is especially helpful for people with vulvas who may need more arousal and foreplay.”

If you’re still having trouble, how can you make sex more enjoyable?

Perhaps you've tried all of the expert tips and tricks, and you’re still having trouble. Not to worry; you just need to take a different approach in the bedroom so you can take some of the pressure off of yourself. You might not be able to thrust for 30 minutes straight, but that doesn’t mean you’re relegated to bad sex.

“Enjoyable sex has no timeline and requires communication as well as checking in with your partner,” Grines says. “If you are feeling fatigued, focus on your partner's pleasure while continuing to feel connected to them. Not putting the pressure on your body to perform in that moment could act as a huge relief and allow you to recenter yourself in that moment.”

Skyler recommends focusing on “pleasure instead of performance” and switching things up “if the genitals decide not to cooperate.” She also says that trying positions that take less physical effort, like spooning, can also take the pressure off.

“Also, don't forget lube. Lube, lube and more lube,” Skyler says.

A hookup doesn’t have to look one way, and it can be liberating to expand your definition of sex so that your lack of sexual stamina doesn’t stop you and your partner from experiencing pleasure. “Don’t be genitally focused,” Neuberg says. “Know that sex can be done orally, anally, with hands, or toys, not relying on one part of your body or one movement to create arousal or orgasm.”

When should you seek medical help?

Sexual stamina can usually be improved by lifestyle changes, but if you think there are underlying medical issues that need to be addressed or the issue is ongoing and unchanging, you should seek the advice of a doctor.

“Individuals should seek medical attention if the issue is persistent and doesn't change after you've made lifestyle changes as well as addressed any underlying issues (relationship distress or medications),” Grines says.“Another reason to seek medical attention is if the issue came on out of nowhere and was accompanied by other red flags, like weight shifts, mood changes, or consistent fatigue across different areas of your life.”

It’s also important to seek professional medical treatment if you are “feeling pain in or around their genitals or pelvic floor” of if you notice “a quick drop off of being able to experience arousal or have orgasms,” Neuberg says.

She continues, “Especially with people who have penises, if they are noticing they are no longer getting erections on their own or in the mornings, this is a very serious vascular issue and should go to the doctor and get cardiovascular testing right away.”

Skyler also says that “there is no shame in getting medical support” for sexual health issues.

Sources cited:

Dr. Jenni Skyler is Adam & Eve’s resident sexologist.

Ilana Grines is a queer licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist in Los Angeles.

Abby Neuberg is a kink-aware sex and relationship therapist who works with LGBTQ+ and polyamorous couples.