My prayers and numerous blog posts have finally been answered as Janet Damita Jo Jackson has announced a new album and world tour. So all your faves can just go home. Mom's back.
I'm not sure what direction Ms. Jackson will take -- though the hashtag #ConversationsinaCafe leads me to think we're in for a Rhythm Nation 1814 moment -- but there's an entire back catalogue of hits to keep us sated until she two-steps out of whatever Middle Eastern palace she's been hiding in with her hot billionaire husband.
As stated previously, no one does a dance break better than Janet.
For reference, a dance break is just that -- a moment when Janet says, "Everyone shut up, I'm going to turn it the fuck out for a minute."
So in celebration of the Queen's return, here are her 7 greatest dance breaks. Count me in, JJ.
7. "I Get Lonely" (1997)
Though usually known for her high-octane, hair-whipping, air-chopping, ass-kicking routines, Janet slowed it down for this mid-tempo classic from her 1997 masterpiece, The Velvet Rope.
Gonna break it down, break it down...and whip 'em out.
6. "Alright" (1989)
Janet brought in old school hoofers Cab Calloway, Cyd Charise and the Nicholas Brothers for this tribute to musicals of yesteryear.
In such prestigious company, Miss Jackson was not about to half-step, as can be seen with this bit of intricate hanky-panky.
5. "Rhythm Nation" (1989)
There are actually multiple dance breaks in this landmark video, but Janet saves the best for last -- unleashing a flurry of flawless choreography unto an unsuspecting Rhythm Nation.
That ponytail whip single-handedly ushered in the 1990s.
4. "The Pleasure Principle" (1986)
Who hasn't dreamed a dream of breaking into a warehouse and just dancing out your feelings all over it? Throw in a high-waisted jean and Janet's best '80s hair and what else could you want?
Certainly not any backup dancers. This little sister is doing it for her damn self.
3. "Scream" (1995)
The fact that this legendary breakdown is only at number 3 lets you know this list is serious. Michael (may he rest) and Janet -- together at last -- had an intergalactic dance-off and the winner was the entire universe.
Meanwhile, the smokey eye as a concept has never been better.
2. "Miss You Much" (1989)
Often imitated -- Britney -- but never duplicated, this epic chair routine was tagged onto the end of the already epically choreographed "Miss You Much" just to drive the point home: we may all be a part of the Rhythm Nation, but there's only one HBIC.
And so help her she will throw a chair at you if you get out of line.
1. "If" (1993)
The dance breaks by which every dance break will be judged till the end of time. Here's an experiment for ya: throw "If" on at any dance party anywhere and guaranteed a troupe of gays will appear out of nowhere and start Tutting across the room.