I should've known from the moment Kandy said this she was a marked woman
Sidebar: this is totally the title of my autobiography
Violet sang "The Lament of the Misunderstood Bitch"
Before vowing to change her ways
So leading with the left?
With their faces bearing more paint than your neighborhood Sherwin-Williams, Miss Fame and Pearl are fixing for a showdown of "energies"
It's about to get real ugly...while still relying heavily on pretty
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Max's Morticia Addams parasol
I'm really beginning to believe there's no such thing as "out of drag" when it comes to Max.
Inevitably, the talk turned to kai-kai, brought up (naturally) by that Meatiest Tucker, Katya.
Meanwhile, Pearl and Fame immediately exchanged glances
Under all that makeup and hate is A.) even more makeup followed by B.) a fishy passion.
A passion that your Great Aunt Max wants nothing to do with.
She may be 22 on the outside, but under all that makeup and those grey wigs Max is an 85-year-old spinster slowly being consumed by a household of feral cats.
The Mini-Challenge: Trouser Snakes and Monster Adders
Of course I didn't hear any complaints from Auntie when this Pit Crew smorgasbord walked in....
And started digging into their Justin Case briefs...
Good for you, Jock
Oh hai, Maaaaaaaaary
Aww, sorry, Papi
The queens were supposed to avoid the monster lurking beneath the bulges, but apparently Ginger was the only one paying attention to the rules since she won handily, while Katya had her own game in mind.
That Katya's a real piece of trash after my own garbage heart.
The Main Challenge: Merle v. Michelle
This episode finally answered a question I've been asking since Michelle Visage's cleavage first made its show-stealing appearance in season three: whatever happened to Merle Ginsberg? Taking a Ru-shomon approach to storytelling, each team of three had to re-enact the Ru Hollywood Story behind Merle's unceremonious exit -- from Ru's, Merle's and Michelle's points of view.
The layers in this show alone deserve a Peabody. A few highlights:
Viole't's assault with a deadly powder puff
Pearl and Miss Fame's fishy passion erupting into an impromptu audition tape for Gurls Gone Cray
This subtle homage to former mustachioed Pit Crewmember, Shaun Morales
Putting the "tinsel" in Tinseltown
The Runway: Death Becomes Her
Katya is perhaps the first and only person to be inspired by Sharknado's Tara Reid and actually benefit from it -- including Tara Reid. Thanks to her winning team, the Russian minx snatched an all-expense paid intergalactic voyage to Fabric Planet...or something.
All T, all shade, Kennedy's Refried Chicken outfit may be the worst look in Drag Race herstory.
Michelle finds Max predictable. Predictably better than everyone, sure. Here I have a story, I have glamour, I have a heart in a box and I have a reason to keep watching this show.
Miss Fame's wig game is epic. Because you never know when you'll need a Marcel Wave with a knife sticking through it.
I think a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills accidentally stumbled in.
Can we have a moment of silence for the competition and for Violet's internal organs?
Guest judge and noted gay man Ariana Grande was left gagging.
This Is a Schtick Up
For the second week in a row, Ru lobbed the same easy joke at Miss Fame
Leaving Michelle to once again take up the comically oversized broom and sweep up the punchline.
Guest Judge Most Likely to Get Invited Back
Considering who her brother is, it's no surprise DR superfan Ari Grande is a big ole kween
Who fluently speaks the kween's tongue
And just gets it, y'know?
Life-Saving Lip Sync Moment
Miss Jaidynn Dior Fierce, who was not even in her dancing heels mind you, turned it the fuck out and not only sent Kandy packing...