Important: Bryon Noem’s alleged fetish is not the same thing as being transgender
This story was originally published by Uncloseted Media, an LGBTQ focused investigative news outlet.
“UNCLOSETED, with Spencer Macnaughton” is a new podcast by Uncloseted Media, an investigative LGBTQ-focused nonprofit news publication. Follow and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. YouTube // Spotify // Apple
In April, dominatrix and sex worker Shy Sotomayor revealed that she had had a nine-year professional relationship with Bryon Noem, the husband of former Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem. Following reports in March that Bryon Noem had allegedly engaged in feminization and “bimbofication” fetishes with other sex workers, Sotomayor is sharing more details about his interest in trans identities.
These interests represent a stark contrast to his wife’s anti-trans record. As Governor of South Dakota, Kristi Noem signed bills into law that allow businesses to use religious refusal to deny service to LGBTQ people; ban gender-affirming care for trans youth; and ban trans women and girls from competing on women’s and girls’ sports teams. Through all of this, Bryon Noem never denounced his wife’s policies.
In addition, experts have raised concerns about Bryon Noem’s relationship with sex workers from a national security standpoint. “If a media organization can find this out, you can assume with a high degree of confidence that a hostile intelligence service knows this as well,” Marc Polymeropoulos, a former CIA officer, told the Daily Mail. “Damaging information like this can be a tantalizing lead for a hostile intelligence service.”
In this episode of “UNCLOSETED, with Spencer Macnaughton,” Sotomayor speaks about her nine-year online relationship with Bryon Noem and describes the terrifying moment where she was almost caught by Kristi, who at the time was one of the country’s most powerful intelligence officers.
Watch the video or read the full transcript below.
Spencer Macnaughton: Hi everyone! Welcome back to UNCLOSETED with me, Spencer Macnaughton. Today, I’m here with Shy Sotomayor, a dominatrix and sex worker best known as Raelynn Riley. She gained public attention earlier this year when her nine-year online relationship with Bryon Noem became public. Bryon is the husband of former Secretary of Homeland Security, Kristi Noem, who has railed against the trans community. But according to Sotomayor, Bryon asked her to call him Crystal and expressed a desire to transition in their sessions. Shy, thanks so much for speaking with me and Uncloseted Media today.
Shy Sotomayor: Thank you for having me.
SM: Of course, yeah. And I know you’ve shared some of these details before, but for our audience, do you wanna just tell us how you came across Bryon? How did you meet him, and how did the relationship develop?
SS: So, the relationship developed nine years ago. I was freshly 21, almost 22. I got my third breast augment and I was pretty much at the—I wouldn’t say the height of my career, but I was climbing up that mountain, you know? And I was getting a lot of submissives and I got this clientele and he told me he’s a Chicago CEO and I was like, “OK, that’s cool.” And he was just really obsessed with like the big fake implants and kind of the bimbo look and that’s really where it started, and I would say around COVID, he dropped off. It picked up last October. And he came back and he was like, “Hey, I don’t know if you remember me.” I’m like, “I actually do. You spent quite a bit of money on me.” I remember those kind of paychecks. And he was, like, “Oh, I wanna buy your number.” And I’m like, “OK, cool.” So he bought my number and we had our first phone call, and it was almost recognizable when I heard his voice. My jaw just hit the floor when it connected.
SM: You really think you knew this could be a public figure, this could be Bryon Noem when you heard that voice? Because he’s not that famous.
SS: So when I heard the voice, I was just like this sounds really familiar. And I started kind of doing the hot girl thing of searching the internet, what I can find from his information. I’m like, you know what, let me go to PayPal because I know I had to put in my real information to get paid and all that kind of stuff. So I was like, maybe he has something in there. And it was one invoice where he did not change his alias from Jason Jackson, and it said Bryon Noem. So I went to my husband, I was like, “Hey, does Noem sound familiar to you?” And he’s like, “Kristi Noem?” I’m like, “Does she have a husband?” And he’s like “Yeah, they’re married.” So we looked up a interview with him, which was with Moms of America.
SS: And once I heard his bit talking about his wife, I was like that’s him. That is 100% him.
SM: Got it. So he’s literally sending you PayPal payments through the name Bryon Noem, through his actual name, which sounds so sloppy in terms of trying to protect himself. How much money do you think he gave you through the years?
SS: So from the earlier years, he would do Amazon gift cards just because I wasn’t doing like third party apps. So I wasn’t taking full payments like that, but he’s bought luxury bags, heels, phones. So he had his own photos with that phone. He would go to my adult streaming services, and I would purposely up my prices for him because he liked the fact that I cost more. But I would say a total between the nine years, it was probably close to 35, maybe 45,000.
SM: Up to $45,000 he paid you for sex work and for phone calls and all that kind of stuff. And just to be clear, you guys have never met in person and hooked up in real life, is that correct?
SS: That’s right.
SM: A lot of folks listening could think this is a salacious story. Why would Uncloseted Media interview you about this? And our justification for why this is newsworthy is when you look at his wife, Kristi Noem’s track record, as you probably know, she has been a long time enemy to the trans community. She has banned trans athletes and gender affirming healthcare for minors and has also allowed businesses to deny services to trans people. And through all that, while Bryon himself was never explicitly transphobic, he never condemned it. So is that part of why you decided to speak out? Because I know you’re very confidential with your other clients.
SS: So in the very beginning, I had my concerns ethically because of him using his business number to pay me and talk to me. But outside of that, I really tried to come forward with it because he stands with Kristi. And I knew that he was in my DMs saying, “Oh, I wanna be trans, bimbo, I want to get hair implants, I wanna get breast implants, I wanna do all of this kind of transitioning.”
SS: It got a little awkward for me because I am also pansexual. Some of my closest friends are trans. I have siblings who are gender fluid, you know, and I’m just like, this directly affects me and my friends and my family and people I hold very close to me. And I didn’t feel right being able to promote and being like, “Oh yeah, you can do that.” And then he goes on interviews and be like, “Oh, my wife is God’s gift to me and she’s right in everything that she does.” And personally, I don’t like keeping those kind of people in my circle because they’re dangerous.
SM: From the nine years you spoke to him, how would you describe his overall interests, his overall fantasies? What would be like the thesis statement of what Bryon Noem is into?
SS: I think I would classify it as borderline obsessive because he got very obsessive with a certain type of look and I think kind of the Mar-a-Lago transformation that Kristi went through kind of helped push that forward for himself.
SM: What do you mean by the Mar-a-Lago transformation? How would you describe it? What do you mean by that?
SS: The Botox, the going super blonde, the ICE Barbie look, and generally anybody that I see who’s really trying to get close to either the MAGA side or the red side, they really go through this big beauty transformation to appeal to the men on that side. And I really felt like with Kristi doing that on her part, because she did quite the transformation. And I think it really pushed him to become obsessive over pretty girls and maybe even fantasizing about being a pretty girl.
SM: And we’ve reviewed texts that you say are from Bryon himself. And he repeatedly asked to go by Crystal. He said, quote, “I will be your trans girl.” You asked him, “Do you wanna be a woman?” He says, “I think I do.” And it was reported in the Daily Mail that he had a desire to transition his gender through surgery and hormone therapy. Is that accurate? Is that all accurate? These are things he told you?
SS: Yeah, it’s very accurate. He not only went into depth on text, but when we would talk for hours on end, he would eventually kind of slip into that and talk about all these procedures that he wanted, and it really shocked me when he started talking about the hormones. Because generally in fantasy, it’s just kind of like the blanket, oh I want to look like a woman, I want to be in women’s clothing. It was when I was like, is this fantasy still? Like I started questioning it and even when I was coming out I had a really long talk with my close trans friend because I was like, “Am I outing him if I talk to the Daily Mail and talking about this?” Because you know as somebody who is an ally and in the LGBTQ, I’m not somebody who’s, you know, trying to out somebody. But they’re like, even if he does come out in the news and like, “Hey, I am trans, this is what it is,” he has a lot of backpedaling and a lot of apologies to start dishing out.
SM: Tell me more about the details of what he talked to you about the hormones, about the transition surgeries that kind of put a flag in your mind being like, OK, there might be something more here. This person may be trans and closeted.
SS: He didn’t go into depth on what type of hormones, but he talked about wanting to do fem face surgeries. He wanted to get hair implants and a lot of permanent surgeries, like breast implants. And he would talk about how he wanted makeup lessons and how to do his hair and styling for clothes and stuff. And that’s when it was like... OK, this feels a little bit more like you want to be a woman in broad daylight and not just behind a closed door. That’s when it was starting to feel a little more outside of the fantasy realm for me.
SM: Do you believe he’s trans?
SS: You know, I don’t believe I can make that definition for anybody. You know? I don’t think that’s fair of an assumption for me. But I can’t say that if he comes out in, like, whatever time and says, “Hey, you know, I am trans,” I can’t say that I’d be too shocked, you know? But I don’t think I have the right to say, “oh, yeah, Bryon Noem is trans,” but that’s on him to decide and whether or not he wants to fulfill more of that fantasy [rather] than it just being a real life thing for him.
SM: Mhm. And I think there’s the element of gender identity. That’s one thing, but they’ve also been ardent supporters of Project 2025. I believe Kristi was a contributor to that report which rails against sex work. They implied that they want to illegalize porn in certain capacities, right?
SS: Yep.
SM: How do you make [sense] of that when Bryon’s coming to you and engaging with dominatrixes, sex workers, and it just feels so hypocritical. I’m curious what you make of all of that.
SS: That’s another reason why I kind of put boundaries with Bryon, because I knew what his wife was trying to do for not just the LGBTQ, but for my livelihood. She was trying to damage that. She was trying to make what I do illegal, even though it’s one of the oldest professions out there. And it just became very disheartening knowing that he was spending not just this much money on me, but several other girls. And when people are like, “Oh, he hasn’t spent that much money,” I’m like, “Me alone, he’s over 30K.” So if there’s other women like me? He spent a lot of money. And that’s where I worry where that money came from too.
SM: Mhm, where do you think it came from?
SS: I can’t say for sure because I don’t have any hardcore proof, but I know when you’re paying somebody through a business phone and business accounts, it’s kind of hard for me to believe, oh, I’m transferring this from my personal account in the moment and then putting it into my business and then that’s what I’m paying her with. You know what I mean? So I began to try to come out in the beginning, especially around when the Good family happened and Alex Pretti. I really started hitting the news hard, trying to get people to talk to me, and I just had no luck until one of the other women broke the story and I was like, “You know what? I might as well tell the Daily Mail my side because I’ve been here the longest.”
SM: That was the straw that broke the camel’s back for you, when Alex Pretti and Renee Good were murdered by ICE agents. And of course, Kristi Noem was leading ICE at that time. That was what took it to the next level for you and said, I need to say something.
SS: Yeah, that’s really what it did for me because I just didn’t feel like on good conscience that I could continue talking to him especially with the things that he wanted, with the career path that I had, I felt like she was ramping up what she was trying to do very quickly, and having a Hispanic last name even though I’m very white presenting I still had a fear, you know? And I didn’t know how much she knew because we were almost caught on the phone with Kristi.
SM: Paint the picture of almost getting caught by Kristi. Where were you and how did she almost bust you?
SS: So I was upstairs just on the phone with Bryon and it was a normal conversation and all I hear is, “Who are you talking to?” And I was just like, “That’s a woman.”
SM: Did he give you any reason to believe that Kristi knew? And if not, do you think she knew?
SS: I asked him, “Do you think she knows about us? And that’s why, you know, she has her little boyfriend?” And he’s like, “No, she doesn’t know.” And I’m like, “OK, so one, she’s just cheating on you to cheat. And you’ve been cheating on her for the last nine years.” So.
SM: And I’m putting myself in your shoes right now, and you have the head of the Department of Homeland Security coming into the room being like, “Who’s on that call,” right? If I were in your shoes, I’d be terrified. Can you describe more of the fear you had of Kristi herself if she were to find out that you were connecting with her husband in this way?
SS: Like I said, with having a Hispanic last name, being a sex worker, and even around the time he caught me—or that she caught him talking to somebody—was kind of in the mix, I believe, in January. So it was in between the Good family and Alex Pretti happening.
SM: When tensions were at an all-time high.
SS: Tensions were at an all-time high. I honestly kind of stayed really low-key in my neighborhood because we had ICE in our neighborhood.
SM: In Colorado, that is.
SS: Yeah, and in Colorado and 30 minutes north of me is a detention center. And that is something that I was just like, if she has any inkling of who I am, what I look like, let alone my name or number, she can find me. She’s the head of ICE. And that’s another reason why I was like, I don’t know if I want to come forward because that’s really putting me in the limelight. And I was just like, you know what? I feel like this needs to come forward for the hypocrisy.
SM: When you look at Project 2025 and you look at the deep desire to ban porn, to ban kink, to ban prostitution, to ban sex work, obviously we think of the big boobs. He had a really big fetish for big boobs, but give us specifics. What were the most shocking things you heard from him?
SS: I think him really just kind of wanting to imitate my size. I thought that was just really wild, especially for knowing who he was and how he looked. I’m like, that’s gonna look crazy. And something that I told people is that I was really jealous when I saw those photos of his like wonky nipples and the implants and the balloons and stuff, because I never got those photos. I was—
SM: You were jealous.
SS: Yeah, I was his longest-standing dom and I never got those photos. I never got to see his face. I had to discover who he was by myself and being a little internet sleuth essentially. And I was just shocked, and I was like, “Damn, I wish I could have seen those photos so I could correct those nipples.” It drove me nuts.
SM: That’s so interesting because that’s what I was going to ask you too, you know, because obviously I’ve reviewed some of the text messages that you guys have had, and I can’t tell what’s acting and what isn’t. Of course you’re getting paid for this, right? But tell me, is this just a job where you’re clocking in and clocking out, or were there real feelings there? Like how would you describe the actual connection you had with Bryon from your point of view? And what do you think he felt towards you? Did he have feelings or did he see you as like, you know, almost like an inspirational sister that could help him grapple with his gender identity?
SS: So, I definitely, on my end, it’s kind of a clock in, clock out. It’s easier for, I will say, on the guy’s part to develop feelings. And that’s something that Bryon definitely did multiple times in those text messages. He told me he loved me. During New Year’s, he actually said, “Can I ask you out?” I’m like, oh, you want a girlfriend, you know, during the New Year. He’s like, “Yeah.” I always asked him, you know, what are your expectations of meeting me? Because I wanted to know, I’m like, do you want to have sex with me? Because that’s not happening. Cause one, we are in a dom/sub relationship and outside of that, I don’t do prostitution. But it’s easy for guys to be getting those feelings and really falling for sex workers. It’s pretty easy for them.
SM: So what did he want to do? He’s painting this picture of, let me take you to a hotel room. Let me have you spend the night in New York City. What did he say he wanted to do when you asked him that?
SS: It was very much, “I wanna take you shopping, I wanna take you to all these nice restaurants.” He would also kind of slip into like, “Oh, I wanna walk Central Park in the snow, and I wanna go ice skating.” And I’m like, OK, that seems a little relationship-y Hallmark situation. And I was just like, OK, maybe he’s just being kind of sweet, endearing, and then he would push it a little bit further and being like, “Oh I want to be seen together, I want us to kiss and touch,” and all this and that, and towards the end he was just like, “Yeah, you know, I do want to have sex with you,” and I’m just like, I’m good on that.
SM: And for the viewers who don’t understand what this means, you say you’re a dom/sub relationship, where you’re the dom and Bryon is the sub. What does that mean?
SS: So that kind of just means that I call the shots, you know, he would address me as either god or goddess because that’s how he saw me as a very divine person, and if I said something and I wanted him to do it, he’d be like, “Yes, goddess.” He’d do it. If I say, “Hey, you need to send me a PayPal invoice because we’ve been on the phone for three hours.” He’s like, “Yes, goddess, I do.” He’s like, “Actually, let me send you two.” And he would try to make up for, you know, the lack of me saying, hey, you need to do this. Because a lot of times in a dom/sub relationship, it’s kind of anticipating wants and needs from the other person.
SM: What’s the weirdest thing he ever did where he said, “Yes, goddess” to you?
SS: He was trying to come up with a religion for me. Like a Raelynn-Riley religion. He talked about having a shrine. He wanted a little statue-esque to worship. He wanted to do offerings type of thing. And that’s really interesting for somebody who has a very strong Christian background because you don’t talk about leaving offerings for Jesus Christ. You know, you pay the church and stuff like that, but generally it is prayers and stuff. You know, along those lines.
SM: Fascinating, and he went by the name Crystal Balls 666. Is that correct?
SS: So that was one of his emails that he used that I would attach to, like, PayPal note invoices and stuff like that. But he chose the name Crystal. And I think that was another thing that kind of raised a little red flag in my mind is that generally subs don’t give themselves a feminized name like that or have she/her pronouns when we text. They still very much are like a man dressing up in a dress and stockings, but he is still he. Adam is still Adam. Bryon wanted to be Crystal.
SM: And would you guys like, I know you did a lot of the conversations on audio and that’s all we’ve seen. We’ve seen texts and audio recordings. Would you guys go on cam? Would he masturbate for you? Would you masturbate for him? Would you do sexual things virtually?
SS: So when we were doing live sessions, it wasn’t ever—he didn’t ever want me to get nude, which I thought was kind of different in my line of work. Most men wanna see me naked. He wanted to see me in really tight, shiny tops. So like faux leather or faux latex, stuff that really kind of shined. And he just loved seeing the attributes of how they laid and how tight they were and stuff like that. We never really did a lot of, like, sexual acts of me playing with myself or anything like that. I would just do a lot of touching of my breasts, but in October, he would always describe himself in the height of, I would say our sex talk, dirty talking, he would always describe himself as “getting wet.” He never said, “Oh, I’m getting hard.” And I think that also kind of played into the transition fantasy. He imagined that he got wet like a woman instead of saying, “Oh, I’m stiff, I’m hard, I’m this, I’m that.” He always used more fem descriptions.
SM: Yeah, and he never sent you pictures of him hard or wet, I guess, or anything like that?
SS: No, I got butt pictures of him in like leggings or like hot pants.
SM: Oh, he’d send you butt pictures, interesting. And he’d be in women’s clothes, and it would be like an ass picture from him kind of thing.
SS: Mhm.
SM: Huh, I wonder what propelled him to send you those. What do you think was his, you know—I could see a lot of people working with dominatrixes or sex workers and being like, “Hey, I’m paying you, you send me the pics.” But what do you think inspired him to send you those pics himself?
SS: I think my intrigue, I got really curious because he would talk about how he loves to wear women’s thongs into his work office or like any time we talked. I’d ask what colors do you have, and I would always tease him that he needs better colors, and he’s like, “Oh I’m wearing leggings tonight,” and I’m like, “Oh? You’re actively wearing women’s leggings?” He’s like, “Yeah, do you want to see?” And he would send me a photo. And I think it was just him trying to show up, like, “Oh, look what I’m doing,” you know, kind of like peacocking.
SM: OK, I listened to the interview that you did with the Lincoln Project and there was one quote that you gave them that really stuck out to me. You said, “Bryon showed me that he wanted to be this outrageous crazy bimbo. But I think underneath it all he wanted to be heard.”
SS: Yeah.
SM: What did you mean by that?
SS: If you listen to a lot of our conversations in the audios, it feels like therapy almost. I feel like I’m kind of just listening to him and being like, “OK, he wants to connect with somebody on a more personal level.”
SM: We do a lot of reporting on religion, right? And conservative Christian communities and obviously, you know, the repression of LGBTQ identities and the repression of sex at large is a huge thing in those communities. He comes from a very conservative Christian background. How do you think that plays into his, you know, relationship with you and his relationship with gender?
SS: So I will say that somewhere where I can kind of relate to Bryon is that I was also raised pretty religious. It’s coming up and not having the sex talk when I was younger. Not knowing what really happens when you get pregnant. Porn was not in the realm of any type of knowledge that I had. Outside of that, I will say, I think that kind of drives that sex drive forward because it is unknown. It’s tempting, it’s salacious. You want to explore it because you don’t have much knowledge in it, and I also feel like that’s where you can deep dive and kind of stay in deep waters because you don’t know how to moderate yourself with it.
SM: Did he ever speak about his religion with you?
SS: No, he never really touched religion. We touched on politics once. He said, “You seem like you really don’t like my wife.” And I was just like, “You want a list or do you want a fantasy, ‘I don’t like your wife,’” you know, because anybody who comes into my life as a submissive, it’s always, “Oh, my wife is the worst, she doesn’t do this, she doesn’t do that.” I’m like “Oh, yeah, fuck your wife. I’m the better one.” And it’s all fantasy. But for him, I think it teetered on that real life to not real life. And then he would sometimes have guilt about it.
SM: Why do you say he would sometimes have guilt about it? What made you think that?
SS: So I’m referencing a particular conversation I’m remembering. He’s like, “Yeah, give me the list on why you don’t actually like my wife.” And so I gave him everything I had to say about Kristi and such, and he went quiet. And I was just like, OK, maybe we’re just not gonna talk about it. And he’s like, “Well, you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.” I was like, oh, OK. But she wrote a book! And I’m like, she’s talking about shooting a dog and innocent animals and stuff like that. And he’s like, “Ugh. It’s stupid that people are still talking about it.” And I was just like, oh, OK.
SM: You’re referencing that she shot her dog Cricket to death, which made headline news. Did you ever speak about how she has railed against the trans community? Did that ever come up?
SS: So I never brought that up. I was getting close to that, but he was also dipping in and out because of the Good and Pretti shooting.
SM: You shared with us audio recordings that you took of your phone calls with Bryon Noem. There’s a phone number listed here, and we did check, and it is actually the phone number associated with his insurance company. So we do have reason to believe that it was indeed him in addition to your account. And I wanna play one of those clips and then ask you a question about it.
Shy: What’s the color of the thong you have on?
Bryon: It’s nude.
Shy: Nude? We got to get you more exciting panties. I bet you would wear my thongs wouldn’t you?
Bryon: I would.
Shy: Maybe one day I’ll send you some. You already like wearing thongs don’t you?
Bryon: I do.
Shy: Might as well just dress you up.
Bryon: Mhm.
SM: I mean, it’s frankly shocking to hear the husband of the former Department of Homeland Security [secretary] saying that. When you think about Bryon in that moment, what are you thinking about when you hear that again?
SS: Now knowing everything that has come out and it really solidifying that it was who I was talking to. When I started doing deep dives into that phone number and finding out who he was and it tying to his business, I was just like, this is crazy. It’s insane. And I would have never expected somebody like him to be into what he’s into.
SM: A former CIA officer, to pivot, told the Daily Mail that, quote, “If a media organization can find this out,” essentially what Bryon was doing, “you can assume with a high degree of confidence that a hostile intelligence service knows this as well.” What do you think about all of this from a national security perspective? Bryon using his business phone, communicating with you like this, paying you through PayPal with his actual name. What are your thoughts on the implications of all of this from a national security perspective?
SS: I think it shows that even though he’s not in the direct position of power, he is also a loose cannon. Anytime I talk to him and [I] was like, “Hey, people could find us out” because he was talking about meeting in person, he’s like, “I don’t care.” And even while things were being reported on with the Daily Mail, I lined it up. He was still actively trying to talk to me and pay me and have phone calls. And then a few days later, the Daily Mail comes out with their first report on him, and he was still trying to talk to me. I’m like, you either don’t know when to quit and this is a real issue for you, which I wholeheartedly believe that he has a sex addiction. And he just did not care [about] the consequences.
SM: And when you think about not caring of the consequences in that domain, there’s perhaps valid concerns that, you know, he might know a lot that Kristi Noem knows from a DHS perspective. And there could be implications for that. There could be compromising national security implications to that.
SS: Yeah, absolutely. I felt like, especially with how close he was wanting to get with me and meeting in person, I never tried to really get a lot of secret information out of him. Mainly because I wanted plausible deniability. You know what I mean? I don’t know nothing. We just talked, it was all sex work, that kind of thing. That’s what I wanted it to be, and I felt like if we did meet up and stuff like that, and I started prying and asking little questions here and there, I think he would have told me. I think he wholeheartedly would have trusted me with that information.
SM: Megyn Kelly reported that Bryon Noem entered a program called Pure Desire Ministries and that is supposedly designed to, quote, “Stop unwanted behaviors and restore broken relationships.” Do you have any information on that? Do you know where he is right now? Is he at the rehab right now?
SS: So, I personally don’t know, but I know for a fact since November he’s been using rehab as an excuse to not wanting to talk to me, and he never really fell through with it. I think now he probably is in a stay-in rehab, because we have not seen him in the public eye, at all, anywhere. So I think wholeheartedly he’s probably there. But I’m not shocked that he’s in a religious rehab. That seems pretty on par for something that Kristi would be like, “This is something you have to do.”
SM: You posted to X on June [16th] that you, quote, “Can’t keep Bryon out of [your] DMs.” How recently has he DM’d you and what is he saying to you?
SS: May 17th, he texted me on iMessage. He’s like, “I’ve been a really bad boy.” I’m like, “Oh, I know. I know you’ve been a bad boy,” and then he started talking to me directly on WhatsApp, and I had a long talk with my husband. And I was just like, “You know what? I feel like this is truly a sick man. I feel he has a sex addiction and that’s not something I would want to take advantage of.” So I was just like, you know what, I’m going to send Bryon a message. I sent him a very long message saying, “Bryon, I thought really hard on this. You obviously are very sick. You need help. If it’s not clear by now or after being America’s joke, I truly don’t know what is. But I’ve came forward with my story about you. This is just kind of me saying goodbye. If you find another girl who does want to talk to you during this, I’m like shame on both of you. You need to get better.”
SM: Did he respond to you?
SS: No, he read it, did not respond, and then I followed it up with a PayPal invoice of essentially what he owes me. Has not paid me.
SM: How much money does Bryon Noem owe you right now for your work with him as a dominatrix?
SS: Forty-five hundred.
SM: $4,500.
SS: Yep.
SM: Wow.
SS: Yeah, I think so too. I’m not a person to be like, oh, well, I’m gonna take him to small claims court because one, that’s a lot of money on my end to do. I was shocked that he was still trying to talk to sex workers. And I still wholeheartedly believe he’s talking to sex workers because I see him on Telegram, on and off. Deactivating his account, reactivating his account.
SM: I want to take this all back because there’s a human, a very human element to this. Whether or not he is struggling with his own gender identity, his silence being the husband of Kristi Noem has really dangerous implications for trans and nonbinary Americans who are under unrelenting attack right now. I mean, the Trump administration recently classified them as a possible terrorist threat, right? If you could say something to Bryon right now, knowing everything you know about his interest in exploring his gender identity, what would you want to say to him?
SS: I think I would just call him a hypocrite. It’s sad that he feels like he can have all of these sexual fantasies and get off on this sexual fantasy of having a trans body and becoming a woman and all of this and that. And that’s not a fantasy for other people. It can be a fantasy in sex work; it’s not for a lot of people who are struggling to get HRT and getting testosterone and people who are now getting arrested by ICE because they are simply trans and they don’t match their birth certificates anymore. And it’s ridiculous.
SM: What do you think is the best thing he could do?
SS: I think the best way to do that is to cut all ties from Kristi. Is to backpedal on things that he stood proudly with and just make a lot of apologies, maybe work with the community, working with the trans community, helping people get resources that they need and really trying to, you know, better what he used to stand on. Will he do that? I’m not too sure, but that would be, I think, at least the right direction to start.
SM: Well, and he certainly has political connections and a level of power where he could genuinely be influential if he did decide to make a change.
SS: Yeah, absolutely, if he wanted to. But he’s done a lot of wrong and he’s hurt a lot of people.
SM: One other thing that you mentioned on the Lincoln Project podcast, which I found very interesting, you talked a lot about how you don’t think Bryon Noem is an isolated incident of MAGA and deep Republican men who are into kind of fetish sex or into playing with gender identity. Things that you wouldn’t associate with them if you just read their policies and their positions on paper. Can you tell me more about that?
SS: Obviously being into that kind of stuff isn’t just for, you know, MAGA or the Republican side. But I find it the more red you are and more actively homophobic, transphobic, you generally have that sexual arousal towards those people.
SM: So essentially it sounds like internalized homophobia, internalized transphobia are real things as they relate to the work you do and the clients that you seem to have.
SS: Yeah, absolutely, and they still love trans porn. They love gay porn. They can say, “Oh, I hate gays and they shouldn’t have rights and they shouldn’t exist,” but you’re still watching them.
SM: Well, Shy Sotomayor, I could talk to you for a very long time, but this has been a fascinating and very important conversation. Thank you so much for speaking with me and Uncloseted Media today.
SS: Thank you so much for having me, this was a lot of fun.
SM: And for this episode and all our episodes, subscribe to Uncloseted Media on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. And it should be noted that we reached out to both Bryon Noem and Kristi Noem for comment. They did not get back to us in time for publication.
Additional reporting by Hope Pisoni.
Editor’s Note: If you are questioning your gender identity and don’t feel safe reaching out to anyone you know, The Trevor Project has a handbook on how to navigate this as well as 24/7 crisis support via calls and messaging with counselors.
