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9 Ways to Avoid the Unholy Orgy of Consumerism That is Black Friday

9 Ways to Avoid the Unholy Orgy of Consumerism That is Black Friday

9 Ways to Avoid the Unholy Orgy of Consumerism That is Black Friday

Why shop til you drop when you can just…not get out of bed?

America loves consumerism so much, we created a holiday to celebrate it -- well, most of our holidays celebrate consumerism, but none worship it as ardently as Black Friday. Before you've even finished the rest of your leftovers, you're expected to join in the USA's orgy of capitalist excess, hooray!

Buying things is fun but do you really need to spend another year hounding for gifts, buying socks in bulk on Amazon because they're 10% off, or fighting New Jersey soccer moms for the last cheetah print sweater at Top Shop? Instead of offering your soul up on the altar of deals deals deals, why not turn that energy inward and ditch sales for self care? The holidays are all about giving, and you'll do plenty of that, so doesn't starting with you sound nice? Here are 9 things you can do for yourself instead of shopping this Black Friday.

Stay in bed all day
It's a classic because it works. If you've got the day off from work and enough leftovers in the fridge -- or money for Seamless -- why get out of bed at all?

Go on an internet blackout
I understand the hypocrisy of suggesting this in an article you're reading online, but the sentiment still stands. The internet is a powerful tool that connects us, but it's also fully evil. Turn off your phone, let your laptop die and spend your day reading, taking a long walk, baking, cleaning your home, or running that annoying errand you've been dreading but you know you'll feel good about once you've done it.

Have sex -- lots of sex
In my experience, nothing is better for my mood, energy, or skin than sex. Text your favorite booty call, or reconnect with that old lover you've been thinking about. Or maybe there's a new toy you've been wanting to try -- imagine your friend telling you they got a new microwave this Friday and responding with the fact that you've spent the entire day masturbating.

Develop a skincare routine
Winter is all about staying moisturized, and it's alarming how many people don't take care of their skin. It's incredibly easy to figure out a routine that'll keep you dewy as it gets drier without spending too much money, and you can find basic products that work for your skin type at your local drug store or supermarket. Find an inexpensive face mask or make one of your own -- a mixture of avocado, honey, and cocoa is both soothing and edible, and you can get all the ingredients at your local bodega.

Hit the gym
As Elle Woods once said, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." I don't have a husband -- or a boyfriend, I don't want to talk about it -- but working out my rage over the corrupt capitalism of our nation on the elliptical machine sounds like a great and productive way to spend Black Friday.

See a movie
There are so many good movies out right now, and while you're still supporting another consumerist industry, at least you're getting entertained. My top picks for Thanksgiving weekend include Widows, The Favourite, Ralph Breaks the Internet -- or, you could see A Star is Born for the sixth time.

Go to a yoga class
Yoga can be an expensive way to get centered, but community yoga classes are usually donation-based if not completely free, and to help dispel that ever-present-and-entirely-rude feeling of guilt that comes with utilizing services like these: no one should throw shade at free stress-relief. So find a class and go breathe for a bit.

Binge on Netflix
Haven't watched Elite yet? Or maybe you've been resisting the soapy satanic allure of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina? Why not see how many seasons of The Great British Bake Off you can cram into one day? Just make sure to go outside for fresh air at some point.

OK, fine, buy yourself something fun
Yeah, yeah, I know the whole point of this is avoiding the nightmare of Black Friday shopping, but sometimes you have to treat yourself. Whether it's that pair of shoes you've been coveting, a new kitchen gadget that'll help you eat out less in the winter, or something sexy to wear the next time you have trade over, it's totally fine to splurge on yourself a little bit.

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