There’s a fuzzy, pink enema walking around in Japan right now and its name is Kan-chan—seriously. The enema is the result of a public contest by Ichijiku Pharmaceutical Co. to design a new mascot for the company. Like most contests open to the public, this one has gone horribly, horribly wrong.
みんな よろしくね。 pic.twitter.com/AACOP6H9nC
— イチジク製薬株式会社 (@ichijikuseiyaku) August 2, 2017
Despite repeated claims that the enema in question is, in fact, a “gentle penguin girl,” we aren’t fooled. That is a living, moving embodiment of the tool you used to squirt water into your butt to prep for anal sex. We know this because Ichijiku Pharmaceutical Co. already sells a variety of enemas for "constipation" and the mascot’s name, Kan-chan is a play on the Japanese word for enema, kanchō.
If you happen to live in Japan and want to meet a fuzzy pink enema in person, we have good news. After introducing the mascot with photos in front of the Tokyo Skytree with the greeting “nice to meet you,” the company announced that Kan-chan will travel to various locations around the country because, in a year already defined by how unreal everything feels, of course a human-sized enema mascot is walking the streets of Japan right now.