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Keeping Up with the Kampaigners: How This Election Became Our Wildest Reality Show Yet

Keeping Up with the Kampaigners: How This Election Became Our Wildest Reality Show Yet

hillary trump
Illustration by Hilton Dresden

This year, presidential campaigns became more petty and full of weird sex stuff than an episode of the Kardashians.

Let's face it: 2016 is the year that a presidential election became more petty and full of spray tans and weird butt-touches than an episode of Keeping up with theKardashians.

And that's saying something.

I'm not afraid to admit that I watch the show now and then, and while I recognize its stupidity, there's a certain comfort in watching that family of girls navigate the woes of poor Instagram lighting and the nuances of a nude selfie. But I'm realizing quickly that there's a far wilder reality show happening on CNN, Fox, and MSNBC.

This year's election has really turned into a circus unprecedented even by the Bushs and the Gores and the McCains of the world. It's reality television that's been airing longer than anything on E! The story started to get sensational all the way back in the mid '90s, when, gasp!, Bill cheated on Hilary with Monica and then he was all like, "No I didn't," and she was like, "Yes you did! You got semen on my dress, asshole!"

Sorry, I slipped into Kardashi-tongue there for a second.

I'm really not exaggerating when I say this election's cast is far crazier and lewder than any Instagram stars or sex-tape-participants-turned-Snapchat-moguls. There's one man who is largely responsible for this fact, and that's of course Donald Trump.

It's absolutely insane that someone who has actually starred in a reality series, been accused of rape by his first wife, Ivana (she later adjusted her claim to say she just "felt violated"), suggested President Barack Obama's birth certificate "is a fraud," and proposed building a giant wall around our conutry to keep out immigrants, is a contender to run our country.

Trump has spewed piles of racist, ignorant, hateful garbage to the world since contemplating the presidency, including quotes like, "Our great African-American president hasn't exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore," and ""If I were running 'The View,' I'd fire Rosie O'Donnell. I mean, I'd look at her right in that fat, ugly face of hers, I'd say 'Rosie, you're fired.'"

If you're annoyed by someone like Kim Kardashian for a lack of talent or substance but are content to even acknowledge anysort of legitimacy in Trump's campaign, you're a hypocrite. Trump has by now made lip and butt injections seem like the choices of Rhodes scholars in comparison to his oft-incomprehensibly vapid and slanderous remarks and actions.

This election has turned into a reality show, sure. But it's not carrying the same light tone as Kardashians, or other E! television. We're now watching what was once an amusing, baffling battle of bigmouths and has now become a horrifying, dark docuseries like Making a Murderer or The Jinx.

This isn't cute anymore. This is terrifying. Let's just hope it ends how Jinx ended, with a confession and a sinister man behind bars.

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