DWTS: The Unsinkable Michael Irvin

Melissa Joan Hart, aka Clarissa the Teenage Witch, hit bottom last night -- the lowest score combined of the judges points and the audience votes -- and it's too bad because her eye makeup was damn fierce. Though I suppose if she had been safe, we wouldn't have had so many great close-ups to admire the yellow and blue eyeshadow.

After her departure was announced, the two couples ranked just above her were forced to perform a 30 second dance-off for the judges who would determine the tie-breaker. Yet again, digging deep, the hall of fame wide receiver Michael Irvin (DWTS is making me learn about sports!) sambaed like his life depended on it and got the votes from the judges to stay in the game.

Carrie Anne cried and hobbit-y Louie Vito tried to play like he wasn't, but I saw him tearing up. This actually surprised me, the snowboarder has been a bit blase about his place in the show, whereas each week Michael has turned his pre-dance training montages into mini-motivational speeches to inspire all. I am the warrior! I am the champion! Now let's go get a cup of coffee and not think about next week's double elimination.

-- A. RAYMOND JOHNSON

Previously > DWTS: Let's Get Ready To Stumble