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Icky Item of the Week: The Pole Dancing Doll

Sometimes you see certain things -- like a bald Britney Spears attacking a SUV with an umbrella or a kid who is reportedly crying tears of blood -- and you are forced to step outside of your own little insulated life and question what the F is going on in this world.

The latest sign of the coming apocalypse? A pole dancing doll featured on and covered by The tiny brunette doesn't look like your average stripper -- no butt floss, no tongue seductively flicking in and out of her mouth, no thorny rose tattoo adorning her ankle -- but there's no denying that she's clutching a disco ball-topped pole.

Gizmodo can't seem to find any definitive proof that the doll actually exists -- they only have a grainy camera phone shot of the little hooch -- but notes it is apparently the same kind of Chinese-made doll available at low-cost stores.

This isn't the first time a pole dancing-themed toy has been made available. In 2006 the Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit was dropped by a British store after complaints by parents. The kit included fake money, a garter, instructional DVD and of course, a pole.

Who's to blame for this crime against innocence? Some are calling for Miley Cyrus' head on a platter. The 16-year-old superstar took to the pole last month for a performance on the Teen Choice Awards (see above). We understand the outrage, but we're also not totally sure that Miley isn't a 42-years-old divorcee -- so maybe it's OK? Regardless, tonight we're saying a few extra prayers for the three sweet, naive, untainted children left in the world. May you make it to sixth grade without coming in contact with a stripper pole, a trapeze, or guy named Hot Lips who wants a cut of your tips.

Previously > What's Poppin' With Cross-Dressing Kittens?

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Noah Michelson