Nine headlines you will see when hell freezes over.

Pope Endorses Gay Marriage Madonna Takes Home Her Third Oscar President Bush Joins MENSA Liza Minnelli and David Gest Reconcile: Lovebirds Again Elton John Brokers Peace Deal Between Warring Nations Carson Kressley Fired from Queer Eye: Deemed Too Butch Nine Out of Ten Gay Men Agree: Abstinence Rules! Paris Hilton Graduates from Harvard Rosie ODonnell Elected President of the NRA