Grammys 2013: Best and Worst Moments

2.11.2013

By Evan Lambert

Last night's telecast boasted a bevy of musical match ups, but no real showboat performances (unless you count Carrie's LSD dress)

Photo: Getty Images / Jason Merritt

The Grammys have come and gone again, and for the second time in four years Chris Brown has managed to make it alllll about him. In addition to grabbing headlines by getting in a car wreck the day of the ceremony, he refused to stand up and clap when Frank Ocean won Best Urban Contemporary Album and instead gave him mad stank eye. Also, he made dramatic faces whenever Rihanna was onstage. Also, he made sure to put his arm around her at one point, thus inciting renewed speculation over whether they're on or off.

Also, as if all of that weren't enough, he wore an all white suit after Labor Day. Disrespectful!

But let's not dwell on C-Bro. Why don't we discuss other pressing issues, like how the people who run the Grammys have "rap" and "urban" categories despite it being 2013. Get it together, Grammys! It's called "hip hop." Memorize it and learn how to use it in a sentence.

Props to Frank Ocean, though! He had a hell of a night, also picking up a golden gramophone for "No Church in the Wild" (for Rap/Sung Collab with Jay-Z and Kanye West.) He even squeezed in a performance of "Forrest Gump," complete with digital limbs and experimental instrumentals.

Most of the other performances were straightforward affairs, except for Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" and Carrie Underwood's "Blown Away." T-Swizzle threw together some BS about a circus, a rabbit, some marionettes and a douchebag taped to a giant target sign. (Read: This sh*t made no sense at all.) Carrie, on the other hand, busted out a giant Cinderella dress with BUTTERFLIES flying out of it. No joke. Throughout her performance, a projector cast all kinds of stuff onto her dress, including roses, butterflies, and sparkles. Now that I think of it, this sounds a lot like something Taylor Swift would dream up! All they needed was a knight in shining armor and a unicorn for this mess to officially be a parade of "Taylor Swift's Favorite Things."

Speaking of Carrie, I believe some congratulations are in order for her and her fellow American Idol Kelly Clarkson. (They won for Best Country Solo Performance and Best Pop Vocal Album, respectively.) They rounded out a list of marquee winners which included Adele (Best Pop Solo Performance), The Black Keys (Best Rock Performance) and fun. (Song of the Year for "We Are Young" and Best New Artist.)

Speaking of fun., I loved their whole fake rain gag, and I'd have to rank it up there with The Black Keys' rendition of "Lonely Boy" and Sir Elton John's duet with Ed Sheeran on "The A-Team." Oh, right, and Justin Timberlake's return!! Yes, please! I loved the whole 1940s-style shtick, and JT's falsetto was in top form as always. I especially loved when Jay-Z casually got up from his front row seat and strolled onstage with his hand in his pocket when it was time for his solo. What better way to say, "IDGAF, I don't even need to try at this sh*t y'all."

The two biggest awards (Record of the Year, Album of the Year) went to Gotye/Kimbra for "Somebody That I Used to Know" and Mumford and Sons for Babel, respectively. Both were well deserved, but what the hell was up with Kimbra's dress? It looked like a women's Olympic gymnastics leotard with a bunch of wedding veils glued to it. Chica needs to take her personal stylist's contact info and file it under "Somebody That I Used to Know" ASAP! Tragic.

Oh, and one last thing before I go: Check out this hilarious pic of Ellen ogling Katy Perry's tetas! Happy Monday!

Photo: Christopher Polk / Getty Images

Tags: Popnography
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