Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have remained in the spotlight since birth, really, from starring in
Full House as babies up until around the age of 20, when the twins shifted their careers’
trajectory into fashion. They’ve maintained an air of mystery since, occasionally appearing on a
red carpet looking like Children of the Corn in haute couture, including crystals in their guests’
goodie bags at the debut of their Row Fall 2018 Collection, and even demonstrating their own
non-verbal mode of communication by dint of hand gestures. Now, the twins have decided to
embark on a new adventure: releasing a line of products for Wiccan beginners. We at Out were
lucky to get a sneak peek at what we can expect!
Minimalist Cauldron ($395)
There are a few staple pieces every witch should include in his or her altar. Emphasis on few. We
fervently believe in keeping things minimal, and also implementing the word ‘minimal’ into our
vocabulary as often as we smoke a cigarette (every 10-12 minutes). This minimalist cauldron,
which is a chic, jet-black cast iron, is made to fit perfectly in any small space. Because of our
minimalist aesthetic, we keep ours on the only furniture we own, which is just a decorative
wooden trunk procured from a Romanian auction house. However, to harness full spiritual
potency, place it on the nightstand next to your bed, or if you’re like us and prefer to sleep
standing up while wearing an oversized peacoat as a blanket, you can simply set your cauldron
on an accent table.
Ritual Candles ($79 per candle)
Keep your space free of negative energy. Our one-of- a-kind ritual candles come in an assortment
of muted colors for various uses, and are GREAT for casting spells that will curse your enemies
with red-wine teeth for eternity.
A Chic, Rusticized Cigarette Case That's Haunted By The Ghosts of a Family From the Victorian Era ($95)
Great accessory for chainsmoking outside of a Starbucks.
Special-Edition Amulet ($110 + A vial of tears from an Anthropologie employee)
Many witches use amulets as a form of protection against bad luck, illness, or evil. But the sad
truth is, many of these amulets don’t harbor any magical properties. Our special-edition amulets
are proven to bear magical powers, and when wearing one, you’ll have the ability to do things
like make all the candles in a room extinguish upon entering it, possess an intern, and conjure
Starbucks points, and, if you wear it during a full moon, Enya will come over and do a tarot
reading on you.
Quartz Crystals ($79 per crystal)
A common new-age accessory, yes, but these unique crystals not only promote harmony and
improve focus, they straight up promote and improve — with these crystals in your home, a
Yankee candle becomes a Diptyque; your cheese becomes artisanal; your messy roommate
becomes someone with a silent letter in their name who has a comprehensive knowledge of
Sage Sticks ($49 per stick)
These are used for any space that needs cleansing from dark energy, like a house where the
previous owners died in a murder-suicide or an Old Navy. First 20 orders will receive a bunch of
free mannequin heads.
Use this to stab anyone who mispronounces “Le Pain Quotidien.”
Greg Mania is a potty-mouthed New York City-based writer, comedian, and the recipient of numerous participation trophies. When he isn't working for The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Paper Magazine, and other outlets, he writes satirical columns for Out Magazine.