Halloween is safely on the other side of the year, but just when you thought it was safe to idly browse the gay interwebs on a Friday afternoon, we bring you this bloody good-bad list of the 10 most gruesomely gay death scenes from the will-it-ever-die Friday the 13th franchise.
Don't say we didn't warn you ...
10. Freddy vs Jason Stock frat boy character Trey might as well have the words "Kill me" pasted on his forehead, or in this case on his hiney, where he receives Jason's big, throbbing ... machete. Sorry about it.
9. Friday the 13th: Jason Goes to Hell This one's nuts. In this ill-conceived effort to bring the occult to this banal slasher universe, Jason possesses someone and inexplicably strips, binds and shaves his next victim before killing him. We'd pay to speak to the folks behind this one and ask, "Wtf?"
Scroll to 13:28 for the good stuff:
8. Friday the 13th: Part 2 Two for the price of one, and up the butt? "Sold!" says one Jason Voorhees. Our 10th entry above was surely inspired by this "classic" post-coital moment.
Enjoy it at 2:22:
7. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter As with every single other entry, this one ain't for the faint of heart, folks. But this one's also not for the faint of penis. We'll leave it at that. Oh and check out his sashay at the beginning! Someone's ready for his DragRace audition ...
6. Friday the 13th: Part 3 This is just a kinky little moment, featuring a shirtless jock upside down who bites the machete... in the crotch.
Wham bam thank you sir, at 0:40:
5. Friday the 13th: Part 4 If you're gonna get killed all alone in a shitty '80s teen slasher flick, best to do it like this sorta cute boy: stoned, clutching a teddy bear, and watching a vintage porno. But you'd probably be masturbating as opposed to talking to the screen and laughing inexplicably.
4. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter This long-haired delicate flower is enjoying himself in the shower, but we must thank Jason in this case because damn, this guy really can't sing.
3. Friday the 13th: Jason Goes to Hell Is this CPR or a severely misguided and bloody man-on-man kiss? You decide.
Here you go, at 2:47:
2. Friday the 13th: Part 8 This one is brilliant because they used an obviously male stunt double. Read it and weep, or eyeroll.
1. Friday the 13th: Part 1 We'll admit it: The first Friday the 13th is still a brutally scary film that holds up surprisingly well (especially that ending). The scene of a young, post-coital Kevin Bacon lying back smoking a joint before getting shredded through the mattress deserves our top spot because, well, it's a young, post-coital Kevin Bacon lying back smoking a joint.
Finally, we'll leave you with this bit of food for thought: Would Jason V. be on Grindr or Scruff? And would he be upset that Grindr possibly stole their logo concept from him? Personally, that would make me just plain homicidal. Potential reboot idea?