(Most) GIFs |Les Fabian Brathwaite
Since the beginning of time, or, like, seven years ago, Snatch Game has been the standard by which all Drag Race seasons are judged. It separates the boys from the gurls, leaving those who can't schtick a landing wondering why they bothered to show up at all. After all, who can forget Pandora Boxx being robbed for her impeccable Carol Channing?
Or Sharon Needles untucking her balls to play Michelle Visage?
Meanwhile, Max's dead-on-arrival Sharon Needles sent her, rightfully, home packing.
Every queen that goes on Drag Race knows that Snatch Game is going to happen and most claim to prepare their impersonations for months. And yet here we are. The worst. Snatch Game. Ever.
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The Bloom Is Off the Snatch
First off, all the tens and trophies to Bob the Drag Queen, who's the only contestant getting her pension since she actually decided to show up to work.
Twice. Bob's Crazy Eyes was inspired--take a note, Julianne Hough-- but Black Carol Channing was a stroke of genius.
It was a foregone conclusion that Bob would win this week's challenge, and her performance belongs in the pantheon of great Snatch Game impersonations. But where was everybody else?
Thorgy's Michael Jackson was fun, but a distant second.
Both Robbie Turnt-her and Acid Betty chose great celebs--Diana Vreeland and Nancy Grace, respectively--but did absolutely nothing with them.
In fact, judge Carson Kressley's Nancy Grace overshadowed like 80% of the other queens.
Naomi Smalls was straight bridge-and-tunnel as New York (nee Tiffany Pollard), Kim Chi's Kimmy Jong-un happened, and Derrick Barry's Britney was 2007 Britney: flat, one-note, and hard to watch.
And not for nothing, nowhere near as funny as season two also-ran Tatianna.
Yet, thanks to the competition, or lack thereof, Derrick is safe yet another day to underwhelm and get lost on her way trying to come for Bob.
Causing a Disappointment
As if Snatch Game wasn't bad enough, Ru practically gave these queens a gift for the runway: Madonna. Say what you want about Madame Ciccone--we've all earned that right by now--but mother has some iconic LQQKS. And yet, four queens decided to come through with a goddamn kimono. Four.
In a row. These hos were all in the same workroom and no one looked over and thought, "You know, I'm going to try something else"? And while "Nothing Really Matters" is a great song and video, if you're serving Ray of Light-era Madonna, one word: "Frozen."
And I'm not talking Elsa.
The only looks of note came from Acid Betty, going for an unexpected but wholly welcome "Bedtime Story" tease, and Bob, choosing a complete left-of-center but instantly recognizable latter day Madge look--the 2013 GLAAD Awards.
Life-Saving Lip Sync Moment
Naomi's clearly resting on that body, but with a body that just won't quit, can you blame her? Meanwhile, Chanel Iman must have thought she was watching her long-lost twin sister Dior turning it out on stage.
As did Michelle Visage, captured here by a wily cameraman giving a rare nod of approval.
This. All of this.
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"Supermodel Snatch Game" Rating: C-